


Dean's Institutionalisation

by spacesnail69



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Abuse of Authority, Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Claustrophobic Dean, Dean Has Nightmares, Demons, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, Dreams and Nightmares, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Human Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Imprisonment, Lazy Mornings, Love Confessions, M/M, Medication, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Paranoia, Prison, Protective Castiel, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Recovered Memories, Recovery, Romance, Schizophrenia, Therapy, Top Dean, Top Dean Winchester, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 18:19:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3420788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacesnail69/pseuds/spacesnail69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Destiel AU- Dean Winchester, a patient in a mental institution hates waking up in the morning, especially where he is. But when his new psychiatrist Castiel comes into the picture, Dean begins to settle in and let the real changes happen. And Cas just can't just stop himself from falling for his new patient. (I originally posted this on fanfiction.net a couple of years ago, but I've edited it again and posted it here)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hell On Earth

Dean woke up to stare aimlessly at the ceiling. It was the same ceiling. It was the same room. Perhaps a part of him hoped he would wake up somewhere else. Not today. Dean's eyes dragged over to his three foot long Chevy Impala poster. His baby. His light at the end of the tunnel; just seeing his baby again. It had been so long.

 

 

 

'Hell.' He muttered. 'Another day in hell.'  
He turned to the framed photo of his brother by his bed.

'Mornin' Sam.' He whispered, just as if his brother was in the room.

Once again, his eyes resorted to the ceiling again. Dean had never felt this terrible; this deep, empty and hollow hole that was becoming darker with each night and each day. Most nights he would just lie restless in bed staring at the darn ceiling until he was no longer functional. He had been at the institute for six months now. He never particularly enjoyed thinking of why he was there in the first place, as that would bring back unwanted memories. Would it be a year? Two years? Turning to the clock on his wall, Dean read that it was 6 AM. Then he remembered why he had woken up; why he had woken up so early.

Screams- a woman was screaming loud enough to pierce the eardrums.

'No!' Dean shouted.

Dean pulled the trigger.

He'd made a terrible mistake.

Someone dead- someone innocent.

Broken glass, a road.

Then Dean woke up from the dreadful nightmare. The tropes had become so recurring in his dream that he could no longer differentiate between what happened and what he dreamt of. Oh, how he hated it there. Often, to escape the morning Dean would drown out his thoughts with music. In that mornings case he calmed himself with Bon Jovi's Wanted Dead Or Alive. The only hopeful moment of this morning was when Dean realised August 1st was coming up. He sat up quickly and the thick sheets slipped off his toned abdominals. Dean went to the calendar and found the famous date. That was visiting day. Bobby would come visit him. Maybe Bobby would bring Rufus. The thoughts, combined with his relapsed comfort in bed, sent Dean into a deep, morning sleep.

 

'Dean! Dean it's breakfast time!'

Dean woke up sweating as if he had a fever. Mr. Alastair was standing in his doorway, continuing to knock.

'I'm up!' Dean said, groaning afterwards. Food. Dean loved food. That's what he loved about the mornings there. However, when he had just woken up and his eyes were still dry with sleep, the word 'breakfast' brought no excitement. He pushed off his sheets and managed to drag his legs out of bed. It was often the most difficult task of his day. Afterwards, he threw on his dull grey uniform of drawstring pants and a t-shirt. Yugh.

 

Dean trudged through the hallway in a queue of loud, shit talking people all wanting breakfast.

'Demons.' Dean muttered. 'Fucking demons.'

To him everyone was a demon. His hatred of people was what led Dean to do what he did. It wasn't difficult for him to do. He saw past the screaming and the crying and he could see the soul of the person who was afraid of him. And he saw evil and greed and cruelty. The emotions of one would never have stopped him from doing it. Often he had unwanted remarks about people he met, some thoughts he agreed with, some he didn't. Unfortunately the unexpected thoughts and desires Dean had always revolved around violence, redemption and the cleansing of the human race.

The moment he turned the corner and saw the week's menu, he searched for the current day. Tuesday.

'Tuesday- pig in a poke.' Dean said as he turned to the stranger behind him.

After receiving a strange look, Dean continued up the line until he could grab a plate from the stack.

* * *

As usual, Castiel woke up that morning at 7:00. After a 10 minute jog he made poached eggs and toast and a skim latte- the perfect breakfast.

He sipped his coffee and read from the newspaper as Tchaikovsky played from the speakers he bought that month. By 7:40 he was stripped and ready to jump into the shower. He was especially excited to use the new shampoo he had bought half price. It smelled of flowers. Cas enjoyed saving money on basic needs so he could buy more expensive things. It made him feel wealthier. Castiel was a fully qualified psychiatrist. In fact, he had been qualified for two years as of that week. First working at an institute on the other side of Kansas, he had recently been given a job in Lawrence. Despite living there for only two weeks, the place was already feeling like home. His apartment was set out exactly how he liked it. The kitchen had been renovated only three years previously, the living room looked like something of a interior design magazine, and the bedroom was a minimalistic haven with a pallet of blues and grey.

Things couldn't have been better.  _Outside_ of work, of course. He hadn't an idea of what his new job would hold for him. After his lengthy shower Cas looked through his patient's file one more time. Being the substitute for an unofficial psychiatrist of the institute, they were only giving him one patient, who Robert had been slowly rehabilitating. And then, perhaps in a years time, they would promote him and give him more patients to care for. Although- the guy he was looking after- Cas was surprised his patient was what Robert called 'a tough one.' Castiel couldn't deny he wanted a challenge if he was only assigned one patient- but from the guys record, they sure gave him a challenge. Dean Winchester, 30 years of age. One notable thing about his profile picture was, well, his appearance. His green eyes, his jaw, his cheeks. Cas had no doubt that this Winchester guy was attractive. Being gay, Castiel knew a hot guy when he saw one. As expected though, being Dean's psychiatrist, Cas ignored the unorthodox feelings he had. He closed his folder, dropped his towel to the floor and finally dressed himself.

* * *

Unfortunately, Dean ate by himself again. But he expected it. A lot of the people in the institute were hard to cooperate with so he almost always ended up biting his arm to try to fight back the urges. After Dean ate his bland breakfast of cereal he called over one of the staff members.

'Hey- you got any of that pie left from last night?' He asked. The staff member smiled, shook his head and left.

'Fucking demon.' Dean muttered.

Dean wasn't sure why he called most people demons. He had always thought that maybe it was because of the several times he had seen The Exorcist. Or perhaps because it was the type of word his father would call his mother when they argued. Demons are bad things, and Dean knew he was a good thing; so he called everyone demons. His distorted perceptions of the world were on account of his illness that had brought him to the institution in the first place.

After having a shower in the soaked and soggy confinements of the bathroom, he went back to his room and turned up his music loud enough to wake anyone still asleep. As he sang loudly to Bob Seger, Dean heard a firm knock at the door. He paused the music and turned to see Mr. Alastair staring through the unbreakable window.

'Hello Dean- your session is now, would you like to come with me?' He asked with wild hand gestures and extravagant phonology.

Dean nodded.

'Do you want to know his name?'

Dean shook his head. Mr. Alastair opened the door for him and lead him to what used to be Robert's office. The door even had his name plate. Dean at this point was looking forward to the thickly cushioned leather chair.  _Only_ the chair. Robert wasn't even there to give him the tradition 'good morning,  _good morning!'_

'He'll be in here in a minute, just wait.' Mr. Alastair said as he opened the door for Dean.

There was a stand of pamphlets about mental disorders and illnesses and feelings and emotions. Dean hated discussing that crap. The only thing he talked to the doctors about was his point of view on people. He talked about demons often and how bad they were.

The door opened, and in walked a tall, upright and confidently standing man. He had tanned skin, dark spikes on his jaw he hadn't shaved off and short brown hair that was wispy at the front. To Dean, the long brown trench coat he wore was absolutely hilarious. His tie wasn't even tied properly. The new doctor hung up his coat on the coat rack and sat at his new desk, opposite Dean.

'Hello Dean,' he greeted him, showing Dean his hand in a friendly manner. 'I'm Castiel, your psychiatrist.'

Dean frowned with his brows down to his eyes and his arms tucked under eachother. He hadn't a care in the world for Pastel or whatever he name was.

Cas could feel himself sweating.

'Oh fuck fuck fuck well fuck he didn't shake it he hates you the institute is going to fire you you can't help him.' He thought.

He forced a smile and pulled his hand back to himself.

'You can call me Cas.' He asked.

'When is Robert coming back?'

'Robert? Oh, Dean I'm sure he went through the details of his departure and his decision to retire from the institution.'

'Your tie isn't done properly.'

Cas's eyes dropped like a bullet to his eyes, almost as quickly as the blood rose to his cheeks.

'Oh I'm sorry I- I was in a rush this morning.' He adjusted his tie clumsily and smiled again. 'So what do you like to do Dean? What are your hobbies?'

'What?'

'I'd like to know all about what you enjoy doing. What makes _you,_ you.'

'Fishing... driving... hunting.'

'Hunting? What do you like to hunt?'

'Mostly deer.'

'Deer? Interesting. Do you have a favourite movie or type of music?'

'I- I dunno.'

'I see.' Cas rested his hand on his cheek. 'You seem like you want to be somewhere else.'

'I dunno.'

'I'm guessing you have better things to do than talk to me, right?'

'I wish I was in the cafeteria eating pie or something.'

'So you're saying food helps you function better?' (In stressful situations), he wanted to add. 

'Fuck yeah.' Dean shrugged. 

Cas chuckled and nodded. 'I completely understand.'

'What is there to understand? I like pie.'

'You know, that reminds me of something. Just, stay right here Dean. I'll be right back, trust me.' Cas was already out of the room.

Dean sure was pissed off. How could Robert retire? It took him six months to get comfortable with that old guy, and now they just force someone else on him? He really was starting to loathe the place. And where the fuck had this Cas gone? Dean was brought in to meet the square fucker, and then he just _leaves_ the room? Probably discussing how much of a nut job Dean is, despite knowing him for barely two minutes. Then, the door opened. Dean raised his eyebrows. It was at this point that he realised he might've been a bit wrong. Castiel walked in with a plate (and fork) of apple pie and a large dollop of cream.

'I thought you'd be hungry- and they had some of this left in the staff lounge so I thought maybe it would relax you a bit.' Dean smiled, but then suppressed it and frowned again. Castiel gave him the plate and Dean looked cautiously from the pie to the doctor as if the food was poisoned.

'Oh, go ahead.'

Dean smiled and stabbed the fork into the pie, revealing the chunks of apple and the specks of cinnamon spread about the sauce. He jammed it into his mouth and relived the childhood nostalgia.

'Mmm.' He was disturbed by his doctor's pleasure from being generous. 'So- you gonna talk or what?' Dean asked, with food still in his mouth.

'Dean, you have a brother, don't you?'

'Yes- I do. Two of them.'

'Oh, I'm sorry I thought you had one...'

'No, one of them is-' he swallowed, 'one of them is my half-brother. You see my dad he-' Dean couldn't believe he was opening up to Castiel. He paused.

'Oh, continue.'

'He uh, he cheated on my mom a few times. He uh... when he found out about the kid he divorced with mom. She was pretty upset at the time.'

'Hmm.'

'Anyway,' Dean took another piece of the pie with his fork and put it into his mouth, 'they lived together for a little while- my mom and dad after the divorce. Just to try keep the family together for a bit longer. Then it happened. My uh-' Dean looked to his feet and swallowed. He frowned again and kept his eye contact away from Castiel. 'She killed herself.'

Castiel nodded.

'I'm sorry.'

'It's okay. So after that- you know.'

'You don't have to tell me, it's okay. Maybe later.'

Dean nodded.

'So tell me about your brothers.'

'Well, Adam, he met our dad when he was about 12. They talked; mumbling, stuttering to make up for the twelve years without him. He introduced him to us. We of course didn't exactly get along at first but we _were_ brothers. After dad died Adam helped us out and he was actually a pretty good guy. We became close and then we were practically best friends you know? And then after his mother overdosed and prison he came to us, and we just became so much closer.'

Castiel nodded.

'Right now he's doing this program to help homeless people get jobs. I'm really proud of him, the both of us are- Sammy and I.'

'That's good to _hear_. So Adam went to prison for a while?'

'Yeah. When Adam's mom died he just- he became an alcoholic and was arrested for drunk driving. He hit someone's car, a tree, and it was his third strike... But now he- I'm so proud of him. He's back and I'm so proud.'

'So tell me about Sam.'

Dean swallowed.

'Well- Sam was always a good kid. He didn't have a great start to life. Just at six months old, mom kills herself less than a metre away from him. I think the memory's still there subconsciously. After finding out about it when he was 9, it really affected him. Fucked him up. I always looked out for him- I just didn't want him going in dad's direction.'

Castiel nodded.

'He had a place in Stanford University before school even finished.' Dean did his best to keep back the tears. 'He had one of the highest SAT scores in the school, but then Dad died. It hit the whole family hard. Sam was at Stanford for a month but he just couldn't finish assignments. He couldn't listen in class, he showed up drunk. They kicked him out.' Dean looked up. 'We moved in with Bobby, and Adam would visit all the time. We all became a new family.'

'How is Sam now?' Castiel knew exactly where Sam was, but he just wanted to hear Dean's explanation.

'Well he uh... after leaving Stanford he just... let go of all his ambitions. We went hunting and fishing sometimes but he didn't have the passion for it. He didn't get paid much working so money was a struggle for him. Bobby kept us all together though. Always helping Sam, giving him money... then a few years ago Sam got involved with some bad people.' Castiel could see something dark in Dean's eyes. It wasn't anger, it was anxiety.

'His girlfriend was a gold digger, just using him for money. When he was with her, Ruby, she introduced him to heroin. And coming from our family all you do is worry, so _god,_ it was all we needed. And a bag of fucking chips. He became addicted and he was still addicted when he left her.'

'When he _left_ her?'

Dean nodded. Castiel however knew that Dean was lieing and there was a completely different story about what ended the relationship.

'I think I've learnt enough about you today Dean.'

'Really?'

'It was good to finally meet you.'

'Oh, well thank _you._ Uh, _Mr._ Castiel?'

'Please, call me Cas. I'll see you again tomorrow and hey, maybe I'll bring some more pie for you.'

Dean smiled and Cas smiled back. He was proud of what he had done with Dean. He had been given so much, thanks to a slice of pie.

Dean felt strange after meeting with Cas. He was a nice guy, but it was a strange experience for him to open up to Cas the way he did. It was like being stripped naked and walked up the street. On the first day with his other psychiatrist, he sat there speechless. But when Cas was kind enough to give Dean some pie, it really made him feel special. And if he would get pie every time they would meet, then Dean was _happy_ to talk to Cas.

* * *

Castiel sure was proud of himself. He knew Dean was supposed to stay for at least twenty minutes longer, but Dean finished his pie and he somehow knew that talking would only continue if Dean had a piece of pie to keep him happy. He typed up a report about Dean's history and kept it on record on his office computer. Castiel then drove to his new favourite restaurant and ordered his usual Italian meal. Penne with a thick tomato sauce and prosciutto. He sat at his new favourite table and watched the clock as minutes went by. His reaction to his meal being placed before him reminded him of Dean's when he saw the apple pie. That was a connection. Connections between the doctor and patient were crucial at that point, so Castiel was pleased that he found something in common that they had. Of course Dean was human, it was Cas who had to do the chipping away of the outer layer. He began to eat another piece of pasta.

'Mmm,' he moaned, 'I'm in heaven.'


	2. The Nightmare

Like always, Dean woke up in the middle of the night shaking and sweating to his bone. He had never talked about his nightmares with anyone, and he never expected that he would have to. But recently they had been more vivid and he was losing his ability to wake himself up in the nightmare. Dean sat up in his bed, hoping he was anywhere but the institution. He was proven wrong. He turned on his lamp and looked through the latest issue of Busty Asian Beauties- something he had obtained from Crowley, another patient at the institution. There was a knock at the door and a man yelling, 'Lights out' so Dean turned off his lamp and went back to sleep.

Dean wasn't the only one who had woken up in the night. Castiel had a strange dream in the night and upon waking was in a state of confusion. The dream, strangely, was about Dean. It wasn't a surprise since he had been reading Dean's records again the night before, but in the dream, Dean wasn't the same man that Castiel had met the day before. He smiled, and asked Cas for his phone number, then for some reason they went to a bar and had drinks. And that was all he could remember. There were certain themes in the dream though. Themes of love and attraction. Castiel shook head as if trying to rid himself of the memory, but he couldn't deny that Dean was someone he wouldn't mind dating- despite what he had done. When Castiel looked into Dean's eyes he saw a damaged man. With this in mind he knew that helping Dean would soon become an obsession of his. Castiel pulled the sheets up to his neck, snuggled into his pillow and fell asleep.

Meanwhile in his lifeless cell, Dean lay in bed, trying to forget the horrid dream. The second that woke him was no better than the first he had that night. He thought that falling back to sleep would help him, but it just caused him to have another nightmare. In the dream there was so much grief and torment. He saw blood; tears fell from his eyes. And he remembered it all so clearly as if it had happened in that very room. Looking to his left, Dean saw fat drops of water falling down the bar trapped windows. Dean yearned for a solution that would help him sleep without the nightmares. Thoughts raced through his head that he couldn't take control of. Dad. Bobby. Sam. Cas. Cas? Cas was the kindest person he'd met for a long time. Then he remembered- Mr. Alastair had given him a slip of paper with Cas's contact numbers before bed. What if he contacted Cas and told him about his dreams? Would Mr. Alastair let him do that? He knew that sometimes when patients were upset they were able to call a parent or a sibling, so couldn't Dean call his doctor?

He requested a guard and asked for Mr. Alastair to come see him. After trying to reconcile with him, Mr. Alastair came and Dean begged for the phone call. He trusted Dean, since he hadn't done anything troublesome in the six months he had been there, so he let Dean. Just outside Alistair's office was a phone that visitors or staff were free to use. With the paper in hand, Dean dialed the number and waited for Cas to answer. Mr. Alistair was proud to see Dean seeking help, since throughout his time there he had been doing anything but.

* * *

 

The pillow vibrated and Castiel dragged opened his heavy eyes like a cat stretching its paws after waking. What was happening? Where was he? What was that noise? His phone had woken him like early church bells. He promised he would lose his temper if it was a salesman. Cas immediately took it from under his pillow and answered the phone.

'Hello?' His voice sounded husky as usual at three in the morning.

'Hi. Uh, it's me Dean.' Castiel sat up and squinted his eyes, shocked by the response.

'Dean? Why are you calling?...  _How_ are you calling?'

'Mr. Alastair let me make a phone call, as long as it was discussing a problem that I have.'

'...Okay so,' Cas stretched his legs over to the side of his bed and scratched his head, 'what's wrong?'

Dean swallowed once Mr. Alastair was gone. The guard kept a watchful eye on him.

'I've been having some dreams. And they ain't good ones.'

Cas nodded and put his phone on speaker before placing it on his bedside table.

'What are they about?' He lay back on his bed.

'About...' Dean swallowed and blinked so his eyes wouldn't water up. 'About Jo.'

Cas nodded.

'Tell me about what happens.'

* * *

Dean came home. It was night time, about 9:00. He closed the door quietly. His hands were covered in blood. His shotgun was warm. There was a noise coming from the kitchen. He went through the living room then into the kitchen. Jo was standing at the counter drinking a glass of water and wearing her pajamas. She turned to Dean.

'Dean! I was so worried I-' She looked at his blood covered hands. Dean gazed into the cracks and corners of her eyes from where he stood. Something was different. The woman standing before him had a wicked soul.

'You're not Jo!' He shouted.

'Dean calm down! What happened to you?'

He wiped his red puffy eyes.

'You're not Jo!' He loaded his shotgun. The more Jo said the more Dean was persuaded she was something else.

'Dean- please. Just put the gun down it's okay. It's okay.'

'You've been fucking Ash haven't you?'

'No Dean! Please! Please just put the gun down I'm not going to hurt you!'

'YOU'VE BEEN WITH ASH!'

'We work together Dean! Please-' she began to cry. 'I know that you're frightened but please just don't hurt me- it's okay Dean it's-'

Dean fired the gun. The power of the bullet threw Jo back. Her head was jolted on the hard edge of the sink, causing glasses on the drying rack to fall to the ground. Glass shattered. Dean dropped his gun. He had completely lost himself. He had no understanding of what he'd done. What if he was wrong? Jo was dead and he had let his anger take control of him. Dean held Jo's pale body to his face and kissed her forehead. He had nothing to do but run. He ran through the backdoor. He ran through the fields. Onto the highway. He ran. He heard police sirens, so he ran faster. A car pulled up with blue and red flashing lights.

* * *

After Dean had explained what he saw in the dream, tears were pouring down his cheek like the rain on his window.

'I didn't mean it Cas! I'm sorry!'

Castiel listened to Dean's cries and just couldn't stand it any longer.

'Dean- wait there.'

Castiel quickly put his trench coat on then left his apartment. He trotted quickly down the stairs and practically  _jumped_  into the car once he opened it. Luckily not coming across any patrol cars he went over the speed limit several times then parked outside the building once he found the centre. He ran inside, found the front office and searched for Dean. In the corner, still grasping the telephone, he sat crying.

'Oh Dean.' Castiel heard himself say. 

Dean looked up at him. He had bright red cheeks and shivering hands.

'Cas!' He cried with a weak and shaky voice.  
Castiel sat beside him and rubbed his back. With the knowledge of Dean's reserved stance, and his locked up restricted talking Cas knew he had to seize the moment. It was such a rarity; a hailstorm in summer, the birth of a baby elephant. He wasn't going to let the moment run through his fingers. Just because he was his doctor, it didn't mean he had to squeeze him like a sponge. 

'Dean..'

Dean put his head into Cas's chest and sobbed. Castiel's eyes also watered, but tonight he wasn't going to be weak for Dean.

'I'm so sorry.' Dean repeatedly murmured.

'It's okay. It's okay Dean.' Castiel held Dean tight and helped him stand up. Mr. Alastair came around the corner and ran over to assist them.

'Mr. Novak!'

Castiel nodded.

'Dean sounded so distraught. I know I shouldn't have been I just had to come here.'

'You really didn't have to- I would have been happy to help.'

'Just help me to his room.'

 

Dean was laid in his bed like Sleeping Beauty herself. His quiet sobs had changed to quiet, sleeping breaths.

'I think it's best that I stay here at the cell with him.' Castiel decided. 'How long did it take until Dean trusted Robert? Don't you think he's improving? He just seemed so hurt by what happened to him.'

'What happened to him? You mean what he  _did._ '

'Mr. Alastair. As his doctor, I need to stay here with him. Especially with his sleeping problems. And you yourself said he hasn't been violent.'

Mr. Alastair sighed. 'Fine. Stay here. Remember there's the emergency switch outside the door. Just don't wake up any of the other patients.'

He stormed off and walked on down the hall.

Castiel went into Dean's room quietly and moved the chair at his desk to his window. He rubbed his fingers and hands together out of anxiety.

'Cas?' Dean asked, curled up under his sheets with his head on the pillow. 'I thought everything was okay. I was so angry. I didn't want to lose her.'

Cas nodded.

'Do you have the nightmares often Dean?'

Dean nodded.

'How often?'

Dean opened one eye.

'Every night.' He replied with an angsty undertone.

Cas longed to give Dean some warm milk and a teddy bear, put his arms around him and kiss his forehead. But Dean was in such a frail and sensitive state, could he really disturb him like that?

'I miss her so much. I just- just want to be held. I want to be held like mom held me. And how I would put my arms around Sammy when he cried. And how I would hold Jo.'

'I'm here.' Very quietly, he left his seat and lay next to Dean before wrapping his arms around his chest. It wouldn't make him a new man, but for the time being it would make a difference. Dean was shocked at first, not by Cas's actions, but his _own._ He felt so exposed, so weak yet he was letting someone touch him so intimately. Usually, if Dean had a nightmare he would wake up and spend hours trying to fall back to sleep. But he didn't. He actually sought help, and he didn't even  _know_ Cas. He just wanted someone to care for him. If being hugged by another man would make him feel better, then so be it. So Dean  _snuggled,_ he was  _swaddled_ by the arms of his own psychiatrist. 

'Shhhh.'

Dean began to cry again.

'I wish she was here!' His voice broke at the end and he continued to sob. A tear went down Cas's eye.

'You're safe here Dean. I'm here with you.'

Dean turned so he faced Cas and stared into his bright blue eyes. He nestled his head into Cas's shoulder, closed his eyes and slowly fell asleep. Cas was taken aback. This cocooned man was showing a side Robert couldn't even imagine. How struggling Dean must have been, he thought. He could only read and learn about Dean's internal conflict.

Cas lay awake for what seemed like hours with his arms around Dean. He kept a watchful eye as if he was a human dream catcher. Was his deep empathy similar to every other doctor with their first patient? Had Robert felt deep compassion and an urge to nurture his broken patient? The hours went by, but every now and then he would hear Dean utter Jo's name.

'Shh shh shh it's okay.'

He lightly touched the ends of Dean's soft hair and moved him closer towards himself. He would look over Dean for as long as he could. He wasn't leaving Lawrence until he cured Dean, even if it would take him twenty years. He began to question the nature of this need to care for him... Cas wasn't falling for Dean. Of course not.

* * *

 

At 6:30, Dean slowly opened his eyes. The sun was shining and moisture was still on the glass from the night before. He could feel a warm breath on his ear. Dean remembered what had happened the night before in shock. He cringed at the thought of exposing himself to the rookie doctor. The pretentious, self righteous city boy who- well, what the hell was his problem? I mean, he thinks he can just come in here with his trench coat and his 'oh so why do you feel that way' bullshit like, what, what even..  He could feel Cas's arms around him, protecting him, holding him like he was a newborn. The whole idea of Cas hugging him in bed freaked him out- yet he had slept so _well_ with him there. Cas snored quietly and Dean smiled. He even blushed a little.

'No. I'm not attracted to him.' He thought. Cas probably wasn't interesting in guys, let alone a romance with a patient. He slowly took Cas's arms from around him and lay them on the pillow.

'Don't wake up don't wake up don't wake up.' He whispered quickly.

 

* * *

Castiel opened his eyes and instantly remembered the night before. He looked over to the window and facing it was Dean, shirtless. He sat up and rubbed his eyes.

'Ehnnn.' Dean turned around and saw Cas awake then covered himself with his shirt.

'Castiel. You're awake.'

'Good morning Dean.'

There was an awkward silence.

'Are you okay this morning? You were very upset last night.'

'Oh I'm fine. To be honest I can't remember a lot of it.'

Cas nodded.

'You uh- you looked very shaky and cold. You seemed lonely. So I- ahem-'

'Yeah.' Dean said, nodding.

'I should go home now. I guess I'll see you at our next appointment.'

Dean nodded.

'Oh, and Dean?' He said as he opened the door. 'I am  _always_ here for you. Thank you for calling me, I mean it.'

Cas watched Dean smile and left.

 

When Castiel arrived home, he pitied himself for feeling offended. Leaving the institute he dared to have selfish questions of why Dean hadn't thanked him. Cas had stayed awake with Dean until the light came in through the window, and he had a fantasized idea in his head of Dean embracing him in his arms, saying thank you and kissing him on the cheek. But Dean didn't admire Cas as much as he did for Dean. And what upset Cas even more was that Dean would just bury the night before and try to forget about the state he was in. Cas sighed and made himself breakfast, then decided to do some quick researching.

Dean was still shaken by the night before. He remembered the pain he felt. He remembered how he just let it all out- and to Cas. He had known Cas for barely an hour, but it sure did feel good to have someone like him to talk to. Dean did morning exercises to forget it all, but it still lingered in his mind. And in the bed- the bed! How long had Cas been lying with him like that? Did Cas like it? Dean felt so awkward and embarrassed by the thought of it, but it was the first hug he'd had in years. And it really was comforting to wake up to someone else breathing against him. Dean smiled, and this time he didn't hold back. He realised that whenever he would see Cas, he would remember that night. But Dean didn't mind. It could have been worse and so much more painful for him if he had remained in the bed. The morning bell rang and Dean went to his door. It was time for breakfast.


	3. In A Trance

Dean sat at his usual table and began downing his maple drowned pancakes. He smiled as he smeared the butter all over the thick pieces and cut the stack in half. Before he could devour them, someone slid their tray onto the table out of nowhere and sat down.

'Hello darling.'

Dean looked up. Crowley.

'Hello Crowley.' He said, avoiding eye contact.

'How are you liking that magazine?'

Dean exhaled angrily.

'You didn't exactly _inform_ me about the four pages missing from the end.'

'Well- you didn't ask for the  _whole_ magazine after all.'

'You son of a bitch.'

'But, those two extra _meals_ -' Crowley closed his eyes and breathed out through his nose.

On the outside, Crowley had been convicted of fraud on numerous accounts. Dean wasn't sure how, but he was not guilty on account of having a serious mental illness. Of course, Crowley was the taker of several experiments to prove he had an illness. In the end, he was taken to Lawrence after being diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder; as well as being a compulsive liar with sociopathic tendencies.

'I'd love to make another deal with you Dean.'

'Yeah, and what do  _I_ get?'

'Well- the next issue of Busty Asian Beauties of course.'

Dean looked up at Crowley.

'No. Not this time.' He stuck his fork of pancake into his mouth and chewed with excessive jaw movements. With grimacing eyebrows he eyed Crowley. In return, Crowley sighed, picked up his tray and left.

* * *

Castiel couldn't stop thinking about Dean. His green eyes. His muscular body.

'Get a hold of yourself!' He shouted sternly at his mirror reflection. 'Fuck!' He had nicked his jaw whilst shaving. Cas usually left his stubble unshaven, but today he wanted to look good. For professional reasons, of course.

He took a small handful of hair gel and spread it around in his hair, shaping it as perfectly as he could.

'No.' His hair looked terrible. Did it? Or was that just an illusion? He groaned and messed his hair in frustration.

'Fuck.. fuck..' Cas closed his eyes and took deep, calming breaths. He washed the gel out of hair slowly, blow dried it, and left it the way it was. There was no point getting upset. He couldn't deny he wanted to look good in front of Dean. His attraction wasn't going to stop him from treating him like a patient, it was merely a temporary crush. He left the apartment and drove to a bakery a few blocks away. He had been buying goods from it since he arrived in town, and it was just the place to get what he wanted. As Cas walked in he could smell all the freshly baked bread. All the recently made sweet foods were in cosy rows present to the eye. There were croissants, donuts, and sitting on a glass stand next to a pile of muffins was what Cas was looking for. He bought two slices of the apple pie and left the bakery with pride.

* * *

To his surprise, Castiel opened the door to his office to find Dean sitting in his chair. He smiled after he noticed minor suggestions of nervousness.

'Hi Cas.' He straightened up from his hunch and widened his eyes.

'Hello Dean. How are you?'

'I'm well. Thank you for asking.' He smiled. 'Listen Cas- I was a mess last night. And you helped me. You're the first person to care for me in a very long time.' Dean stood up and hugged Cas. Cas was reluctant at first, but succumbed to his gratitude and stretched his arms around Dean.

'It's okay Dean. I'm here to help you.'

Dean pulled away and noticed the paper bag Cas was holding.

'Ahh. Yes. The pie.' Cas took out a plastic wrapped piece of apple pie and handed it to Dean.

'Thanks.' Then something changed. Dean dropped his smirk and looked up with sheer sincerity. 'Thank you.'

He sat down and began to eat the pie with his fingers; licking the flakes off and biting off the golden crust. Cas asked his first question whilst Dean had food in his mouth.

'So Dean-'

Dean didn't hear anything after that. The pie was so good. They hadn't served pie in the dining hall the night before, so he was desperately craving more since. The pastry was a sensation of salty sweet, delicate layers. Brown sugar was sprinkled all over the top- Dean liked that. The chunky apple centre was still warm.

 

Mary slid a plate in front of Dean with a generous slice steaming on it.

'There you go.' Dean held the spoon tightly. 

'Dean? What do you say?'

'Thank you.' He slowly cut out a piece.

 

Dean smiled. Then he realised Cas had asked something.

'Oh- sorry I- what did you say?'

'What was your relationship with your father like?'

Dean looked up at Cas. It was the perfect way to ruin a moment.

'He-' Dean breathed in. 'After Mom died he really fell apart. He became an alcoholic and was barely around. You know- hanging around at old bars, playing poker with strangers. I had to take care of Sammy myself a lot of the time. Sometimes Dad would be gone a whole night before he came home. I was always so protective of Sam. When Sam ran away for a couple of weeks I was so-  _scared._  And when Dad came home-'

'Dean did your father- did he ever abuse you?'

Dean nodded.

'Yeah. Yeah he did.'

Cas's heart dropped.

'And what happened after he died?'

'Well- Bobby took us in and we lived with him for a while. Bobby really helped us. He was a better father than our Dad ever was.'

Cas nodded.

'Hey Cas?'

'Yes Dean?'

'Why don't you have a clipboard or a notepad or anything?'

Cas tilted his head.

'I don't think it is necessary to, unless it's something major. I can remember things easily... did your last doctor write notes?'

'Pff.  _Yeah._  I utter one word and he writes a friggin' paragraph. Couldn't  _believe_ that guy.'

Cas laughed. 'Sorry I... about your last doctor. In his,  _report,_ he said you often discussed demons.'

Dean looked down to his feet. Cas knew he had hit a sensitive point.

'Well yeah I guess.'

'Why do you view people as demons?'

' _I_ dunno. Someone's always stabbing you in the back, calling you something, thinking of themselves. Those people are demons, I know it. So, I guess... I think of almost  _everyone_ as demons.'

Cas nodded, his eyes squinting like always.

'Do you-' Cas paused. Dean raised his eyebrows. 'Do you think  _I'm_ a demon?'

Dean thought about Cas's question. He hadn't any feelings of hate or anger towards Cas. Cas had been kind to him as soon as they met.

'No. You're a good guy. I think you're an angel.'

Cas blushed and could feel his cheeks heat up. Dean had to stop himself from bursting into laughter because of Cas's bright red face.

'Thank you Dean... now listen Dean I- I'd like you to close your eyes for me. Sit back into your chair, relax your legs, whatever works.'

Dean wondered why Cas wanted him to do so, but listened anyway.

'Now I want you to find a comforting place. Imagine yourself there.'

Dean imagined himself on the lake, fishing.

'Listen to my voice. I'm going to count to ten, and each time I count up you will feel yourself weaken and tire. Your eyes will feel very heavy, Dean. Like thick, warm blankets.'

Cas began to count. When he finished counting, he started to talk again to Dean.

'Dean?'

'Yes?' Dean murmured.

'I'd like you to tell me about the day you killed Jo.'

Dean's hand began to tremor.

'Shhhhh shhhhh. Calm down. Listen to the calmness in my voice.'

Dean's hand stopped.

'What did you do that morning?'

'I ate breakfast, I had a shower. I left and went to work.'

'Where is that? Where do you work?'

'I work at a... I repair cars...'

'How long were you at work?'

'Two hours...'

'Then where did you go?'

'I... I went home...'

'Why did you go home?'

'I had to pick up my gun...'

'Why?'

'I had work to do.'

'Where did you go afterwards?'

'I went to Sammy's house..'

'What did you do there?'

'I-' Dean stopped.

'What did you do?'

'I shot Ruby.'

'Was Sam there?'

'No.'

'Then where did you go?'

'I stayed at Sam's house... I watched T.V.'

'Why did you stay?'

'I- I don't know.'

Dean began to cry. His nose ran just as his eyes did. 

'Dean tell me where you went after you stayed at Sam's house.'

'I,' Dean sobbed out then sniffed, 'I drove to Ellen's bar.'

'What did you do?'

'I parked outside and waited until Jo left.'

'Then what did you do?'

'I went inside- I shot Ellen. Then I shot Ash.'

'Why?'

'Because they were demons.'

Castiel began to raise his voice. 'Why were they demons?'

'Ellen wanted Jo to keep working at the bar... Jo didn't want to.'

'Why did you kill Ash?'

'Because he was sleeping with Jo.'

'How did you know this Dean?'

'I just knew.'

Castiel sighed and rubbed his face with his hands.

'Did you go home afterwards?'

'Yes.' Cas nodded as Dean said this.

'Oh Dean.'

After Castiel brought him back, he was naturally confused to find himself a mess.

'Was I crying?' His cheeks were moist with tears.

Cas nodded. He couldn't help but look concerned for him.

'And I told you everything?'

'Everything of what happened, Dean.' Cas basically knew everything about his crimes now.

'You must think I'm some psychopath.'

'No Dean! You- you  _could_  be a psychopath but I was brought here so I could help you. And so was your last doctor! And that's what I'm going to do. You're human right? So I'm going to treat you like one because that's what you are.'

'Thank you Cas.'

Cas blushed again and Dean laughed. Cas was confused about what was funny. Whilst Dean laughed the shaving cut on Cas's face began to bleed.

'Oh- Cas.' Dean licked his finger, leaned forward and wiped the blood from his face.

'I did it this morning.' Cas said when Dean moved his arm away.

'Yeah- it happens.' He chucked. 'Listen Cas- I wanted to ask you a few things.'

'Go ahead.'

'Why did you want this job? Not here... I mean, as a psychiatrist.'

'Why did I want it? Hmm. There are several reasons... It was just something that fascinated me. I was interested by the human psyche. I always liked watching police T.V shows and psychological thrillers. I found it interesting that the brain could drive someone to commit a crime.' Cas looked up at Dean, worried he had gone too far and offended him. But Dean was listening with eager eyes.

'What are your hobbies?' Dean asked, imitating Cas's voice. Cas laughed.

'Ummm. Pfff. I enjoy collecting antiques- I also collect stamps.'

'Lame.' Dean coughed.

'Hey! I also like uh- I don't know.'

'What's your favourite TV show?'

' _Touched by an Angel_.'

'And what's your favourite movie?'

'Hmmm... _Michael_.'

Dean nodded and smiled. John Travolta? Pfft. 

'What's your favourite food?'

'Hey I can answer that- pasta. I love pasta.

'What's your favourite colour?'

Cas laughed. 'Okay I think  _I'm_ supposed to be asking the questions.'

'No no wait I just want to know more about you.'

Cas groaned and rubbed his eyes.

'Well-' he sighed. 'I was a foster child. I grew up in a home. I was always- quiet, shy. I was a pretty rebellious teenager. I didn't want to live in the house so I ran away a few times... I did my best in school. And I wanted to be a psychiatrist. I was able to go to a good college, and things really went smoothly.'

Dean desired what Cas had. Even though Cas had never met his parents, he still had the life that Dean wanted.

'Now-' Cas sat up straight. 'I wonder what  _your_ favourite food is Dean?' He asked facetiously.

A guilty smile appeared on Dean's face.

'Answer this- why do you sit alone in the dining hall?'

Dean cleared his throat before talking. 'I just don't like people. And I don't think anyone  _wants_ to sit to me. Except for Crowley sometimes. But you don't know what Crowley is like... so Cas. Do you have a girlfriend? A fiance?'

'Nope. I am single. My last partner, erh, _boyfriend_ cheated on me, so I haven't dated anyone for a while.'

Dean nodded his head. Boyfriend? His heart had sunk. Cas was gay. And Dean- he knew he was getting... a _feeling_ for Cas like no other. He felt so desperate and pitiful for liking him even more now that there was a chance Cas could be attracted to Dean.

* * *

When Castiel arrived home he collapsed onto the couch and felt his entire body seep into the cushions. He was falling in love with Dean Winchester. He loved his smile, his expressions, his voice, his hair. But Dean was his patient! And Dean would never feel the same way. The only thing Cas could do was continue to treat Dean, then leave as soon as he could. His last relationship had  _not_ ended well. He wasn't going to risk being heartbroken again.

'Not gay not gay.' Dean whispered to himself that night. But, could he be bisexual? Dean had been attracted to guys before, but he never thought of it as the type of attraction that would lead to a relationship. Could he be falling for Cas? The whole idea of the patient/doctor sexual tension reminded him of something from a porno. But Cas was a professional. He had convinced himself that Cas had slept in the same bed as him because he was upset, but could Cas have a crush on Dean? Like always, Dean decided he would sleep on his problems. It had been a long day.

* * *

Dean awoke the next morning at 7:00. He had slept nine hours straight without any nightmares. It was a revelation. It was the best night of sleep Dean had had in... He realised that the only change in his life was his doctor. It was Cas. Cas was helping him.

 


	4. Sunday

 

 

It was a Sunday. No sessions. No therapist crap. No doctors. Dean could just relax. Hell, if he wanted to lie in bed all day then he could.... aside from breakfast. But who was he kidding? Of course he would get out of bed for breakfast.

'Today is a good day.' He thought. There had been no nightmare to set him back. His mind was- _clear._ Not even Crowley or Mr. Alastair could bring his spirits down. Although, he wouldn't have his midday chat with Castiel. He hated the therapy part of it, but Cas was nice to be with. Cas _was_ helping him. In their last session they had talked for an hour longer than expected.

'Oh fuck.' Dean thought. 'Nope. Not now. Not today.' He wasn't going to think about whether he had a crush on Cas or not. He was going to lie in bed, go to the dining hall, eat breakfast and he was going to enjoy it like it was his last meal.

The morning bell sounded and Dean was the first one out in the hallway.

'Mornin' Mr. Alastair.' He greeted to him as he walked by.

'Good morning Dean.'

Dean was genuinely excited about the day.

* * *

Castiel was out jogging and admiring how the morning sky looked. His mobile began to vibrate. It was Gabriel calling.

'Gabriel?'

'What's up Cas?' Gabriel sat in his luxurious living room eating ice cream covered with sprinkles.

'I'm good. Thank you for asking. How are you?'

' _Greeeat._ ' He said with a mouthful of ice cream.

'…..Are you eating?'

'Yes I am.'

'Oh, because I am finding it hard to understand you.'

'Ice cream.'

'Excuse me?'

'Ice cream.'

'Are you eating _ice cream_?'

'Yes.'

'For breakfast?'

Gabriel sighed.

' _Listen_ , little bro. We haven't seen each other for weeks. Do you wanna talk to me or not?'

'Sure...' Cas began to walk. 'So how's work?'

Gabriel worked as a supervisor in a television studio at Warner Bros Studios. A pretty neat job; both were lucky to have such positions.

'Pretty good. How's your doctor thingy?'

'My, _doctor thingy_ , is going very well.'

'So what's your patient like?'

'Well, for starters, it's Dean Winchester. Remember that guy from Sioux Falls?'

'Dean Winchester? I _think_ I heard his name on the news.'

'There wasn't much coverage on it. If he hadn't pleaded not guilty for insanity the news would have been _crazy_ about it.'

'So what's he like? Wait, he's single now isn't he?'

'He's... he's alright.'

'Is he cute?'

'What- I- pff..'

'HE IS! YOU THINK HE'S CUTE!'

'Gabriel. No. Just. Stop.'

'You _like_ him.'

'He's my patient! I- urhh!'

'Cas and Dean sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.'

'Shut up! I don't like him- okay?'

' _Sure._ Is your apartment sweet?'

'Yeah. It's looking pretty good.' He came to a pedestrian crossing and stopped for the cars.

'Well, I'm proud of you. I really am.'

'Thanks Gabe.'

They had come far since their parents died. When the two became foster kids, they didn't think they'd ever have a good future. But now- now they were working in well paying jobs and achieving their dreams.

'So Cas- when are you going to ask this guy out on a date? A _real_ date.'

'Come on Gabriel. Even if I _did_ like him, not saying that I do, but if I _did_ , it would never work out. They'd fire me if they found out that I was in a relationship with a patient. And he's not gay!'

'How do you know Dean's not the guy eh?'

'But he's not into guys.'

'Are you sure? Why don't you just slip in the question when you're doing a session huh?'

'No!' Cas recieved a surprised look from a nearby pedestrian.

'Listen I've gotta go- work starts in five minutes.'

'Okay, goodbye then. I'll- wait, five _minutes_? Are you still at home?'

'Maybe. I'm hanging up on you. See ya' little bro.' And with that Gabriel ended the phone call. Cas groaned.

* * *

Dean ate his breakfast slowly to savour every bite. Crowley decided to join him.

'Hello darling.'

'Hello Crowley. Nice day isn't it?'

Crowley scowled. 'Yes. It, _is._ '

'Anything you have for me?'

'Uh- well I, I have another one of those pre-made pies.' Dean immediately looked up. Since he wasn't seeing Cas that day, he wasn't getting any pie.

'I can give you two issues of Auto Express.'

'Hmmm. Okay Dean. I'll get your pie. Meet me at your room.'

'Sure thing. Wait- how do you know where my room is?'

'Bye Dean.'

Crowley took his tray of food and left. Dean finished up breakfast then went to his room. Sure enough, Crowley was standing there with a pie in a foil tray. Dean went into his room, slid his hand under his mattress and searched for the magazines. Crowley stood at his wall and looked at the photograph of Dean and Sam next to his calendar.

'Is this _your_ moose?' He asked.

'Don't call him that.' Dean took out two issues of Auto Express and handed them to Crowley.

'Thank you Dean.'

'No problem. Thanks for the pie.'

'It was a pleasure doing business with you.'

Crowley left swiftly like a ghost.

The pie Dean was given looked delicious. Sure, it was probably full of preservatives since it was store bought, but Dean was still happy to eat it. It was one of those fridge section foods business workers would buy to eat on the go. It was missing its wrapper, but hey, it _smelled_ like apple pie. Dean was shocked by his confidence in a  _scent_. He decided he would eat it later than night before bed, the usual time for a pre-bed snack.

Dean shaved his stubble in the washroom then had a shower in one of the cubicles. When he stepped out with the towel wrapped around him, Crowley was standing there ominously.

'Crowley! Jesus! What are you doing here?'

'Oh, nothing. I needed a shower myself actually. So please, a little privacy.' And he went into a cubicle.

'Goddamnit.' Dean muttered. Despite Crowley annoying him, he held his head up high and tried to make the best of his day. After dressing himself he went to the activity room and played Xbox with another patient. He liked the activity room. It was the closest thing to the outside world. Next he played ping-pong against the wall, and after that he read the newspaper. What he liked about reading the newspaper was that all the problems he read about wouldn't affect him. They would probably affect him when he left the institution, but right then and there, the outside world couldn't touch him.

Castiel decided to spend some of the day researching. He went through old notes from college, unused text books and papers written by professors. He started his next report for Dean and started to list the possible mental illnesses. Over time, he would drop the ones that Dean didn't have. And hopefully, he'd be left with the ones that Dean _did_ have. Cas just had to keep meeting Dean and soon he'd be able to diagnose him. He quickly made a sandwich after an hour then went back to researching. He could have relaxed, but he was fine with looking through text books and sheets of paper with messy handwriting.

 

Dean was in his bedroom listening to music when Mr. Alastair told him he had a phone call. Dean rarely had people call him. In fact, no one had _ever_ called him before then.

 

'Hey Dean.' It was Sam.

'Sammy?'

'How are you?'

'Sammy!' Dean's eyes filled with tears of happiness.

'Yep. It's me.'

'I've missed you so much. How are _you_?'

'I'm surviving. You know? Sorry I haven't called until now.'

'No- it's fine. I just- I'm so happy you called Sammy.'

'What's it like there?'

'What's it like? Well- it's not too bad.' Dean was shocked, because he knew he actually meant it. He was settling into the place.

'How are the therapy sessions going?'

'They're going great. They're getting better. I mean, the first month- they were terrible. But now, they ain't too bad.' Dean smiled.

'I'm tired of this place Dean. But it's only another couple of months right? Maybe we'll get out at the same time.'

'That would be great Sam. I can't wait to see you.'

'Listen, I don't have much more time. Anything you want to say to me?'

'Just- just be good for your brother okay?'

'Okay Dean. Bye.'

'Bye Sammy.' When would he hear his brother's voice again?

He felt empty being alone today. The only patient he knew was Crowley. Was Cas his only friend there? He wasn't sure why, but he decided he to go to Crowley's cell. There was a possibility he was doing something interesting enough to entertain Dean.

 

Looking through the glass, Crowley was sure enough sitting on his bed with his legs crossed and his eyes shut. Dean knocked.

'Uh, Crowley?'

He opened his eyes.

'Dean. Come in.'

Dean entered the room.

'Is there something you want Dean?'

'Well-' he swallowed. 'I was, _bored._ '

'And?'

'You're the only guy I know here.'

'Of course.' Crowley was very reluctant to mingling with Dean. 'Is there something you want?'

'No- like I said. I was just, bored.'

'Hmmm. Right. So why _are_ you here Dean? I mean, the building.'

'Well I- I committed a crime. The same crime, a few times.'

'Yes and what crime is that?'

Dean groaned. 'Do you want to find out?'

'No thank you. Listen boy, I know that you feel lonely in your room and feel the need to talk to someone, but for now you should just acknowledge that I don't care.'

Dean frowned. 'Well thank you for being so kind.' Crowley was just another slimy demon.

* * *

What was Dean doing? Reading? Writing? Drawing? Anything expressive? Did Dean admire his eyes as Castiel admired his? Cas sighed and tried to think about other things instead of Dean, but it always came back to him. He decided he would ask about Dean's sexuality the next day. It was the only way to satisfy him. Otherwise he would never know whether there was a chance of a relationship or not.

'Hello Cas.'

'Hi Dean.'

'Listen- this may come to you as a shock. I love you.'

'I love you too.'

'Let's move my stuff into your apartment.'

'But you can't leave the institute.'

'Yes I can.'

'Okay. You can move into my apartment.'

'I love you Cas.'

'I love you too Dean.'

Cas woke up. What a strange dream. A bad dream. A stupid fantasy. He now found Dean three times more attractive than before.

* * *

The pie tasted funky. Funky in a bad way. It wasn't the best pie he had eaten. Of course, he had eaten it before dinner, as opposed to after. When he heard the bell for dinner two hours later he sighed with relief, took his headphones off, and left his room.

'Oh crap.' He thought.

Dean ran to the nearest bathroom, went into a toilet cubicle and threw up.

'Oh.. god...'

He was in the bathroom throwing up, collapsing and throwing up again for half an hour before a staff member found him.

They took Dean to his bed and he was given two bottles of water and tablets. He had food poisoning. And he knew why. Crowley's pie. It was past its expiration date and it had given Dean food poisoning. Little had Dean known, it was taken straight from the garbage. Literally. He was given about eight plastic bags in case he was sick again and Dean kept one close to him in bed. He curled up into a ball as his fever rised and dropped. He felt horrible. Dean had to use three of the bags, but the sickness didn't stop there. He had stabbing headaches all whilst he sweated endlessly. There was no one in the room. Just Dean. The only thing he was relying were the drugs he was given. The fever wasn't coming down either. He pulled the sheets off when he became hot, but then had to pull them back over him when he became cold. His stomach began cramping once again as he lay there in a fetal position. Dean just really needed a friend. He wished Bobby was there, but the only person who could help him in that place was Cas.


	5. Food Poisoning

 Castiel didn't find out about Dean until he arrived at work.

 

 

'You can go home Mr. Novak. Dean is very sick. Food poisoning.' Mr. Alastair informed him.

That wasn't going to stop him from seeing Dean. And it certainly wasn't going to stop him from helping Dean recover from his sickness.

When Cas opened that door, well, there was no sugar coating to it. Dean was sick as a dog. He had gloomy, dark rings that looked as though they were the only things holding his eyes up. . His clammy skin shined with moisture. The sheets on his bed were up to his neck.

'Oh Dean.' Dean who was trying to sleep in his hazy state didn't even realise Cas was there.  He had been engulfed in a state of feverish consciousness; too awake to fall asleep and too sick to be alert.

'Dean?' When Dean finally heard his name, he jolted.

'Cas.' He managed to smile; a mere attempt at his usual gorgeous grin.

'Dean you look terrible. You must _feel_ terrible.'

'I do.' He shut his eyes and nodded. 'And I'm so cold.'

Cas took his trench coat off and lay it over Dean's sheets.

'Please, you don't have to do that.'

'No, I insist. You must be freezing.'

Dean snuggled his head into his pillow. His bloodshot eyes looked up at Cas.

'How are you?'

'I'm very good. Thank you for asking.'

Dean shuddered.

'I'm hot.'

Cas bit his lip. It was the worst time to get sick. Treatment had been going so well. He gently touched Dean's forehead, then applied his whole hand. He couldn't believe it.

'Dean! You're skyrocketing! Have they given you any medicine?'

'They gave me some tablets last night.'

'Last _night?_ You need more. I'll be right back.'

 

Castiel left the room and went to the first aid room. Between the sink and the towel rack was a large medicine cabinet that doctors had access to.

'Mr. Novak, you're still here?' Mr. Alastair watched as Cas opened the cabinet.

'Dean is still on the daily doses of Zoloft and Saphrus, is that correct?'

'Yes, he should be taking 200 mg by now.'

'May I take some medicine to him? He has a fever.'

'Of course. Nothing in that cabinet should affect the medication. Really Castiel, I can take care of Dean.'

'Well, I'm his doctor too. And it's so hard to see him like that.'

He took a medicine cup of cough syrup, four paracetamol tablets, and two tablets to treat food poisoning. He also took a bottle of medicinal soda water and a heat pack that Mr. Alastair heated for him.

 

What seemed like one minute to Dean was actually fifteen. Cas walked through the door with a tray of drugs. Cas gave him the heat pack and he felt comfortably warm again. Next, he took four tablets from the tray with a full glass of water. Cas poured thick red cough syrup into the cap and held it to Dean's mouth.

'Don't worry, they won't conflict with your current medication. This is the last one.'

'No...' Dean tried to push it away before Cas pushed it to his lips and tipped it up. Finally he made Dean drink a glass of the soda water. Like a rag doll Dean collapsed back.

'Goodnight Cas.' He whispered.

'Sleep well Dean.'

'I love you.'

'What did you say?'

'Love you Cas.' His heart skipped a few beats. Dean told Cas he loved him. He _had_ to be delusional though, right? Considering Dean was only half conscious, did it really count?

 

Cas was relieved Dean was asleep again. He sat and read some of Dean's magazines. To his surprise, a few in the collection weren't about cars and fishing. At two o'clock in the afternoon Dean groggily woke up again. He drank some water and fell back to sleep. Although it wasn't the most fulfilling day, Cas felt special to be caring for Dean. When he came back from eating a quick lunch in the kitchen, his heart completely melted at the sight of Dean snuggled into bed. He quietly sat by the window and watched the rain pour down. Mr. Alastair came into the room at one point, saw Cas taking a nap, and decided to leave. Cas had everything under control. _He_ was caring for Dean.

* * *

 

At 6 AM, Dean opened his crusty eyes. The day and night before seemed very foggy. He remembered throwing up into a bag. He remembered feeling cold. He remembered feeling hot. Cas. Cas came and helped him. Sure, he was given enough drugs to send him back to sleep, but he felt better. He moved his pillow up and sat in bed. Cas was in the chair next to the window. He looked exhausted. And he was asleep. What a poor position to fall asleep in, Dean thought. Cas's elbow was on the arm rest and his hand was on his cheek. Dean thought it would be best that he lay there silently rather than waking Cas up. He drank the rest of the water from the bottle and lazily slumped back. He couldn't stop himself from looking at Cas. He must have stared at him for 10 minutes. Then, the blue eyes appeared and Dean looked back over to his desk.

'Dean. How are you feeling?'

'I'm feeling so much better Cas. Did you really stay here just for me?'

'You were so weak and struggling. I _had_ to help you.'

'I don't know how to thank you Cas. I'd still feel like shit if it weren't for you.'

'It's okay Dean. Honestly.'

Cas left the room to get something from the kitchen. He really was an angel. He had nursed Dean back to health and didn't expect any praise. What a perfect little- oh. Dean knew it. He really did have a crush on Cas. Not just for his good looks. His kindness, his sense of humour, his devotion, his empathy. Cas was perfect. What was Dean going to do? Would he just say how he felt to Cas's face? Maybe the best thing for him to do was to just forget about it. But what if Cas liked him back?

 

Cas returned five minutes later with a large bowl of chicken soup and a slice of bread.

'I thought you'd feel like something to eat.'

Oh fuck, Dean thought. He really was perfect.

'Perfect.' Dean said quietly.

'Excuse me?'

'Thank you. I said thank you. This is just too much.'

'Dean, just let me care for you.' He put the plate on Dean's lap. 'There you go.'

Dean picked up the spoon and began slurping the liquid. Cas sat down in the chair.

'You can leave if you want.' Dean said.

'I'm fine.'

Dean continued to eat his soup. But when he looked up the second time, Cas was asleep. He took one of the blankets from his bed and wrapped it around Cas to keep him warm. It was funny how quickly the tables had turned. He wriggled back into bed, finished his soup and fell asleep.

* * *

When Cas woke up it was around 12 at night. He was flattered that Dean had given him his blanket to sleep in. He put it back over Dean and decided to leave his trench coat there as well. Cas knelt down and felt Dean's forehead. He couldn't help that he lingered. Dean looked so serene. He was tempted to quickly kiss him goodnight on the head, but left before he could. Dean stirred, opened one eye, and smiled.

 

Castiel opened his apartment door and entered. He collapsed onto the bed. Not because he was tired, but because he was upset. He was in love with Dean. He tried his best not to think about him, but he just couldn't do that. Dean Winchester. Winchester Dean. Dean. Cas grabbed his pillow and slammed his face into it.

'FUCK!' He screamed into it. 'FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.'

Cas really had messed up things now. Was he going to have this affection towards  _all_ of his future patients? Or was Dean just so charming and unique and precious like that? Either way, it was going to be like a witch hunt for Cas if  _anyone_ ever found out. He pictured it right then and there; being burnt on the stake in front of the whole department.

* * *

When Dean woke up, he could smell Cas near him. For some reason, he hoped that he was lying next to Dean in bed. The delicious smell was, however, from Cas's warm coat. Cas wasn't sitting by the window in his usual spot either. Dean pulled the trench coat close to his face and inhaled the smell. Cas had touched that coat. Cas had the coat on his body. And now Dean had it on his. But it was a Monday. He was going to see Cas that day and give it back to him. And he was going to see Cas! He suddenly became excited and filled with joy. Until breakfast time he would have his mind occupied with Castiel. The cute doctor. Dr. Sexy.

Castiel was also sick on Monday. He was love-sick. The thought of Dean made his heart sink into an abyss and no matter what he did he always felt like Dean was there. Despite having the idea that Dean was next to him, Cas imagined him sitting with him just to give himself that comfort.

Dean ignored everyone who talked to him that morning. Crowley teased him about being sick. He just ate his breakfast. Mr. Alastair asked if he was feeling better. He said nothing and went into his room. He counted down the hours until when he would meet Cas again. Naturally, the time went by like a snail. 

When Dean heard that knock on his door, his rabbit like legs kickstarted into action and he raced to his sanctuary. He went up the hallway, turned left, and found Cas's office. The question of whether Cas was already there or not was _so_ exciting. Dean opened the door and sitting there was Cas, without a brown paper bag in his hand. Dean went inside and sat down opposite him. It was like the first day they met again. Dean was self consious. Now that he liked Cas, it was like being with a completely different person. And Cas felt exactly the same way, making it pretty damn awkward for them. 

'Dean. How are you feeling?'

'I'm feeling good. Here's your coat.' Cas took it from him and slid it on, avoiding the temptation of smelling it.

'I'd like you to find your happy place again. Do you remember the one I mean?' He had gone straight into the session.

'I got it.'

Cas led Dean into the hypnotic state and he began.

'Dean?'

'Yes?'

'Why did you think that Jo and Ash were seeing each other?'

'Because I- I just knew.'

'Had you seen them together?'

'No.'

'Then why did you assume they were together?'

'I don't know.'

'Do you think you were being paranoid?'

'I... yes.'

'Are you often paranoid about things?'

'Yes.'

'Did you kill Ellen because of Jo?'

'Yes.'

'Had Ellen done much to limit Jo?'

'Yes.. all the time.'

'Had Jo talked to you about it?'

'No.'

'Did you kill Ruby because what Sam was doing worried you?'

'Yes.'

'Do you worry often, Dean?'

'Yes.'

'How often?'

'All the time..'

'Have you ever thought about suicide or self harm?'

'Yes.'

'Did you feel an urge to kill them? Did you feel it was necessary?'

'Yes.'

'Have you had the urge to kill _other_ people?'

'Yes.'

Cas nodded. He was going to begin counting back from 10, but he remembered something else. He hated himself for thinking about it, but he had to try.

'Are you interested in men Dean? Are you gay?'

'...No.'

'Are you straight?'

'...No.'

Cas looked up. Dean wasn't straight?

'Are you bisexual?'

'Yes.'

 

When Dean woke up again, he saw Cas's beautiful eyes staring into his.

'Ahem.' Cas settled back into his chair. 'Dean- what feelings did you have towards your father after your mother killed herself?'

'I hated him,' Dean began, 'I hated him so much. I always blamed him for her death. He was just as upset as I was though. That's why he drank so much. He didn't expect it. He didn't think anything like that would happen. But she was unhappy.'

Castiel nodded.

'Thank you Dean. You don't have to stay any longer.'

'You're leaving? So soon?'

'Yeah. I have some thinking to do.' Cas stood up and went towards the door. Dean took hold of his hand and pulled Cas over. Cas turned to him.

'Uh-' Dean froze. 'Listen Cas. How long is it going to take for you to help me huh? Because the thoughts that I have aren't going away. And I know that you're doing your job- but I'm starting to wonder whether you're the doctor I'm supposed to have or not.' After Dean said that, Cas contently sighed.

'Do you think I'm the wrong doctor?'

'I don't know..' He frowned. 'Are you even trying?' He felt himself becoming angry. 'You haven't even _helped_ me.' He almost felt guilty for suggesting this.

'Listen Dean. I am trying my best. I hope you realise that therapy can take months to change a person. So why don't you start appreciating my help.'

'But you're not helping me! You come in here and talk some garbage about my Dad then leave! How am I meant to trust you? And anyway, what am I Cas? Your first, second patient or something? At least Robert had experience.'

'Dean!' Cas shouted. He had spent a whole day with him just trying to help him feel better. 'What makes you think I don't care about you? Well, I _do!_ Does that make you happy? And there's only been a few people in my life who I've _genuinely_ cared about. And I guess you're one of them! Before you insult my methods, just think about what I have already done for you and maybe change your mind about what you say.' Cas let go of Dean and stormed off. Everything he said was sincere. It wasn't how it was supposed to be. Dean was supposed to be opening up to  _him_. 

 

Dean felt like such an asshole; an _idiot_ , a total  _jerk_.  His bitter anger had made him turn against Cas. Of _course_ it was going to take a while for him to get better. So why was he denying everything Castiel had done to help him already? The fact that Cas didn't like him invoked so much frustration. He thought that when he went into his office, Cas would kiss him and tell Dean he loved him. He felt so ashamed, but at the same time just wanted to run after him and apologise. It was the worst thing to happen between them. Ironically. He felt like a such an idiot. A confused fucking idiot. He didn't even know if Cas would date a patient! But when they touched hands... he just floated away. Dean rubbed his eyes. How was he going to tell Cas how he felt?


	6. Reports

Each morning became a challenge again. Dean was now living in a cold building where no one cared for him. Cas was the first guy to respect him there. Cas wasn't a demon. What could he do? If he were to tell Cas how he felt about him he would risk losing him forever, and more importantly Cas's _job_. Why had things become so complicated? When he first arrived there, realising his sexuality was the last thing he expected to happen. But now- Cas _liking_ Dean was the last thing he expected to happen. Dean saw no point to having the damn therapy sessions. He just wanted to love someone who loved him back.

 

 

 

 

'Good morning Dean.' Cas said, entering the office. Dean nodded his head. Both realised it would be a pointless day without the usual laughs and jokes. 

'Hello Mr. Novak.'

Mr. Novak? Cas really had upset Dean. He meant every word he had said to Dean on the Monday. But when he said it, he thought Dean would consider and reflect on it. And now, the beautiful man who he had comforted and nursed through hell was acting like an upset five-year old.

'I'd like you to just relax your eyes today. Ignore everything else.' 

Dean closed his eyes.

'Dean, tell me about demons.'

Dean opened his eyes and looked into Cas's. It was like time stopped. Cas could see that it wasn't something Dean wanted to talk about, but he closed his eyes anyway and relaxed his head back. Dean was  _trying_ , and Cas  _deeply_ admired this. 

'When someone does something I resent- when someone.. deliberately hurts me. They get this look in their eye. And I've seen that look so many times. And it's like-' Dean paused. Castiel knew he was trying to stop himself from crying. 'It's like it isn't them. Like they're possessed. And there's a part of me saying that they're not, and that it's just the person who is trying to hurt me. But there's a part of me saying that inside their head, something is driving them to say those things. Maybe that- it's not actually them saying it.'

Castiel's heart broke. It was easier for Dean to believe that the people who hurt him were possessed, than to accept that the person really was trying to break him. Maybe Dean had grown so used to people hurting him that when someone came around the corner and made any sort of remark about him, he called them a demon. For any human being, sometimes it is easier to believe the lies than to accept the facts. And that was how Dean's mind worked. That was why he disliked people so much that he had to assume they were all possessed.

* * *

Wednesday came and it was just as depressing for Dean. he didn't think Cas wanted to even help him anymore. As each day passed, the idea that Cas would no longer be Dean's doctor become more real. When he looked into Cas's blue eyes, he saw shame. Little did he know, what Cas felt was sadness and empathy for him. Cas began to worry that one day Dean would see _him_ as a demon, and would no longer trust him. Everyday was more upsetting. He had to force Dean to bring up his past issues and see him cry. Dean was the most precious human being Cas had ever met. How could he let Dean know that he cared about him so much?

Dean had been Castiel's patient for four weeks, but it felt like a year. Every night Dean would think about Cas, and every night Cas would think about Dean. The hours until they saw each other grew longer and longer, despite the anger and guilt filled appointments.

'Hello Dean.'

There was no reply.

'I brought you something.' He took out a brown paper wrapped package from his bag. 'It was the last one.'

Dean knew what it was, but when Cas placed it in front of him on the desk he didn't make a move.

'I'm not hungry.'

Cas huffed. 'There's been something I've wanted to bring up for a few days now.'

'What?' Dean looked up with looming eyes.

'Did- did you mean what you said?'

'About what?'

'When you were sick. You were falling asleep and you said-'

'What?'

'You said you loved me.'

'What?' Dean's voice croaked. With his anger becoming more apparent, Dean's eyes watered. He swallowed the lump in the throat. 

'You said, I love you Cas.' Cas didn't want to cry. He wasn't going to cry.

'And?' He sniffed, and was struck by the aquatic blue eyes opposite him. 'Well you're right! You're fucking- you're goddamn right Cas!' He couldn't take it anymore. Dean stood up and slammed his hand on the desk. 'I'm fucking _queer_ for you! Alright? I think you're fucking amazing!' He sounded sarcastic.

'Are you serious?'

'Jesus Christ, of course not!' Dean hated to be so cruel. 'I hate you Castiel Novak! I fucking hate you-' He wiped his eyes. 'I fucking hate you.'

Castiel watched Dean begin to cry.

'I just need time. I don't want to see you tomorrow.' Dean left the office before Cas could say another word. He didn't want Cas to chase after him. He needed to be alone. Dean loved Cas. Not _in_ love, for at that point it seemed unachievable. It was what Cas wanted, but he didn't feel any better.

 

The next morning after a restless night, Castiel decided he had to end the tension between them. The rain poured down his window and it reminded him of the night when Dean had the terrible nightmare. He didn't care about getting wet. He drove to the institution to see Dean, even if it meant being poured on with rain.

He entered the office boldly to greet Dean- but he wasn't there. The cafeteria was empty. The gym was empty. So Dean had to be in room. Cas ran through the ward to the end of the corridor, stood at Dean's door and let himself breathe. He couldn't believe what he was doing. Cas charged through the door to find Dean lying on his bed, staring out the window at the morning rain.

'Cas?' Dean asked, turning to see him. 'You're wet.'

Cas was dripping with water and his fluffy hair was like a mop.

'Dean...' He was still trying to catch his breath.

'What do you want?' Dean stood before Cas, upset that he had been disturbed. 'What do you want from me now?'

'You said I don't care about you.'

'And you don't.' Dean replied with aggravation.

'Just- I want you to look at these.' Cas grasped a small stack of papers. They were his reports that he had written up after the first week with Dean. Dean, who looked very confused, took the papers and flicked through them quickly.

'What are these?' He asked, holding them out to Cas.

'They're... they're the reports I wrote after a week of being your doctor. Just read them.'

Dean frowned, and took out the paper with the earliest date.

'Dean is a-' after those words he read silently.

_'Dean is a remarkable person. He is one of the strongest people I have met. What he has gone through makes him the kind of human that others would want to aspire to be. The murders do not change these qualities that he has.'_

Dean glanced up at Cas, who looked as if he was about to cry. Dean read the next paper.

_'Dean is someone who has been broken then repieced, yet he is more sincere than most people I know. What he has gone through has made him the strong person that I see today. To earn his trust you have to be someone very special, which was evident when I first met him. He has a unique sense of humour and anyone who would talk to him would learn this in seconds.'_

He held back his tears.

_'Dean is a young child at heart. He needs people who love him. And he needs to love someone. You can only see his soul in precious moments. When these moments happen you have to embrace it, as if it is the very last time it will happen.'_

'Cas.' Dean chuckled and smiled. He stepped forward and wiped the tear running down Cas's cheek. 'Don't cry kiddo.'

'I-'

'Shut up.' Dean grabbed his neck, pulled him forward and ever-so-gently latched his lips onto Cas's. With their eyes shut, Dean ran his fingers through Cas's hair.

'Mmm.' Cas moaned.

Dean rubbed Cas's slick tongue with his own. Cas jumped and wrapped his legs around Dean, who then fell back onto the bed. He pulled Dean's tongue towards him and felt his lower lip gently. Dean held Cas by his jaws and reached the tip of Cas's tongue again. He tasted so good.

'Are you crying?' Dean asked.

'No.' Cas rested his face into Dean's neck. Dean could smell an enticing cologne. 'Am I yours now?'

'Yes. And I'm yours.' Dean whispered. They gazed into each other's eyes. 'I'm sorry for being such an asshole.'

'Me too.' Cas took his trench coat off. 'You really do like me?'

'I was going to ask you the same thing.'

'I'm obsessed with you.' Cas ran his cheek along Dean's scratchy jaw and pushed his sandy hair around.

'Thank you so much. Thank you.' He pulled in Cas's hands.

'I'm your doctor. You don't have to thank me.'

'You're still so wet!' Dean said with a laugh. He pulled off his grey t shirt and used it to dry the angel's sopping hair. Cas pulled his own shirt off, so by the time Dean had finished drying it, he looked like a punk rock singer- with sharp hip bones and a trail of hair from his belly button. His tanned skin made him look even more inviting. Throwing his shirt away, Cas touched Dean's upper lip with his tongue and overwhelmed himself with Dean's returned kiss.

Cas went to the window and shut the white curtains, then returned to Dean. The room was dim where the sharp light from the corridor couldn't reach. Dean kissed Castiel's neck and provoked a deep moan.

'I don't think you realise how beautiful you are Dean.' Cas uttered.

'Thank you.'

'I'm serious.'

Dean kissed him on the nose. Castiel went straight to making out again. He ran his hands up Dean's ribcage and over his biceps.

 'You're pretty fucking hot Cas.' He said respectively.

Cas leaned in and whispered something in Dean's ear. Something that made him blush and nod. Dean flipped Cas onto his front and kissed his smooth, browned skin.

'Castiel... Novak...' He took the lotion from his bedside table and lubricated himself from the base to the brim. Cas unbuckled his belt and let his pants slip to the floor. Dean tugged his boxers down before stripping out of his underwear. He caressed himself once again with the lube before grabbing Cas by the hips and sliding inside of him. Castiel grabbed the bed sheets tightly in his hands and moaned Dean's name. Slowly rather than quickly, he thrust in and out, feeling his glands and everywhere else.

'Oh fuck-' 

Dean slid his hands down to Cas's dick and began to massage him around his v.

 'Oh shit Dean-'

Dean arched his head back and gripped onto the man's thighs. They went into a steady rhythm together. Dean pulled Cas in, rubbed his toned stomach and held him tight. He groaned into the back of his neck as Cas let out a loud cry. Dean stood there with Cas over the bed for another ten seconds before he finally pulled out. They collapsed onto the bed together, pulled the single sheet over them and lay together. Each covered the other in soft kisses.

'Will you love me?' Dean asked.

'Yes.'

'I want you to be here for me.'

'Okay.' He wrapped an arm around Dean and kissed his face.

* * *

 

The rest of the night they lay in bed telling each other stories. Cas fetched a pack of Cheetos and grape soda from the kitchen when they became hungry and another blanket from the storeroom when they became cold.

'I didn't know that you have a brother.' Dean asked, mid conversation.

'Yeah, I do. Gabriel.'

'Why.. why _were_ you put in a foster home?'

Cas sighed.

'Well... our parents died in a car accident when I was a kid, and they didn't list any other possible guardians in their will. They'd lost most contact with their family, and a lot of our relatives live in different countries. So a foster home took us in. They would never let us be separated. Never.'

Dean nodded.

'It must have been hard for you. I mean, I still _had_ a Dad, but you had lost both of your parents.

Cas shrugged. 'The father you had growing up was related to you by blood, but he never felt like your father. Did he?'

Dean shook his head then smiled.

'You have a point.' And as he looked in Cas's eyes, his smile disappeared.

'Sometimes I wish Gabe wasn't the only family in my life. I want a family.' He rested his head on Dean's arm.

* * *

Dean woke up with a smile. He played with the tufts of Cas's dark, soft hair. Cas groaned quietly then yawned and looked up at Dean. His eyes were sleepy.

'Good morning.' He said with a raspy voice.

'Good morning.' Dean said, stretching his arms out. Cas softly kissed him and nestled his head into Dean's chest again.

'Can I have breakfast with you this morning?' Cas asked.

'Sure.' Dean answered, smiling. He looked at his clock. It was 7:30. He still had half an hour of cuddling with Cas. Before he knew it, the bell rang. Cas sat up and one side of his hair was flat from where he lay on Dean. Dean laughed and spread it out for him. Cas put on his pants, shirt and trench coat.

'I'll see you at breakfast.' He said, then he blew Dean a kiss.

'See ya... wait, Cas.'

Cas stopped the door and stuck his head back in the room.

'Yeah?'

'You forgot your underwear.'

Cas gave him a cheeky smile then left.

Mr. Alastair stopped him in the hallway.

'Dr. Novak? What are _you_ doing here this early?'

'Oh- Mr. Alastair. I wanted to ask you. Would it be okay if I ate breakfast here today? I wanted to find out why Dean doesn't... sit with people in the morning.'

'Well- of course you can. As long as you don't ask for too many pancakes.' Mr. Alastair replied. 'And you can take Dean's med chore for me!

 

Dean was sitting in the dining hall alone when Cas entered. He took a tray and was given two pancakes then went to sit opposite Dean. It was a perfect start to their day.

'Hi.' Cas said, picking up his knife and fork.

'Thanks for staying the night with me.'

'It's fine. I liked it. I can't wait to have our session today.' He gulped his tablets before he began to strip away the layers of his short stack.

'Me too.'

They told bad jokes and riddles until they were the only ones sitting in the dining hall, which to them was somewhat embarrassing. Dean had recited knock, knock jokes far too long. At last the two left and went back up to Dean's room. With an introduction of kissing, they expected something more would happen.

'Mmmm.' Cas heard Dean saying. Dean glanced at his clock. It was 11:00. He looked again.

'Shit Cas! Mr. Alastair will probably be coming in here soon!'

Someone approached the door and Cas tumbled off the bed.

'Cas!' Dean asked with concern for the man's butt. The door opened and Cas quickly crawled to the corner of the room where he was hidden from the entrance. Dean practically threw a cushion onto his hard, protruding dick.

'Dean, it's time to see Dr. Novak.'

'Sure- I'll be down there in a minute.'

Once Mr. Alastair left and shut the door, Dean sighed with relief.

'That was close.'

Cas stood up and rubbed his arm.

'Are you okay Cas?'

He nodded and laughed. Dean laughed too. 

'Get over here angel.'

Cas strutted seductively to Dean and straddled his hips.

'We should be getting to your office.'

'Let me kiss you first.' He leaned down and kissed him passionately, trying to ignore Dean's idiotic smile. Dean tilted his head and pulled his angel closer. Cas finally loved him, and he loved him back. It was going to be a good week; and it would be even better on Sunday when Bobby came to see him. He couldn't wait.


	7. Visiting Day

 

 

Midnight came with sweaty, sticky passion in Dean's room. Both were about to reach their climax, but it was a difficult task when a guard was patrolling the hallways.

'I'm gonna come Cas... I'm gonna come.' Dean moaned, increasing in volume.

'Shh shh shh the guard will hear you.' He kissed him to stop him from emitting his sounds of pleasure. The guard approached Dean's room. Both stopped, held in their cries and Dean remained inside Cas, who was having trouble handling it. The guard left, and Cas came all over Dean's pillow.

'Dammit Cas.' He whispered.

'I'm sorry.'

Dean drove into Cas, pulled back, then moved in again. Biting his lip and shutting his eyes, Dean came and fell onto Cas. He ran his hands over every inch of his new patient's back.

'Hey Dean.'

Dean kissed him again before Cas pulled away to speak.

'Dean.' He grinned. 'Today is visiting day.'

'Today? What time is it?' It was 12:30 in the morning.

'Is Bobby seeing you today?'

Dean nodded. 'I can't wait. I'm so excited to see him.'

Cas smiled again. 'I like seeing you happy.'

'Well, you _are_ my doctor.' He kissed Cas again.

 

The next morning, Dean woke up to the mesmerising sight of the dawn sun hitting Cas's hair. He wanted to kiss his head, but didn't want to wake him up. It was Sunday. Visiting day. Dean was going to see Bobby. Finally. He lay in bed and enjoyed the warmth of Cas on his body for half an hour before Cas rustled and kissed Dean's cheek.

'Mornin'.' Cas said in his rough voice.

'Good morning. Little angel.'

Cas spread out his arms then let them fall onto Dean and groaned.

'I hate having to leave bed.'

'Me too.'

Cas kissed Dean gently on the lips.

'It's late.' He slipped out of bed.

'Do you have to go?' Dean asked, sitting up in bed.

'Unfortunately I do.' Cas dressed himself then went to the door to leave.

'I'll see you later.'

'Bye.'

Cas checked outside for any staff workers, then left with a salute.

* * *

Dean was so excited he couldn't keep still. He just couldn't wait to see Bobby. The door opened and a huge group of people came into the dining hall. A few people at the table stood up and began calling their parents over. Names were called and Dean watched as patients hugged their loved ones. He found himself standing up and looking out for Bobby. He felt like a little kid. Soon nearly everyone had found their families and friends. Where was Bobby? Dean sat down, and then he saw his trucker hat peeking over the crowds. He came walking over to him, smiling. Dean's face lit up.

'Bobby.' Dean skipped to him and gave his uncle a huge hug. He didn't want to let go. He started to cry.

'I- I'm so sorry.'

Bobby patted his back. 'It's okay Dean.'

'I'm sorry.' He whimpered. 'Please forgive me.'

'Dean.' He pulled away from Dean and looked him straight in the eyes. 'It's okay.'

Dean wiped his eyes and nodded.

'It's good to see you Dean.' They found a table comfortable enough to sit and recount.

Dean nodded again. 'It's good to see _you,_ Bobby... I'm so happy that you're here.'

Bobby opened his mouth to speak and paused.

'You've been through a lot Dean. Everyone who has ever met you knows that. No one has a picture perfect life. Especially the Winchesters. I was upset about it all Dean. But I'm not going to blame that on you.'

Dean nodded and smiled. 'Thank you Bobby.'

'You're probably going to ask about Sam.'

'I was getting there. How is he?'

'Well, he's happy that his sentence is ending soon. It's been nearly two years... wait, Dean stop. I'm not here to talk about Sam, I'm here to talk about you. Is the therapy working? Are you _happy_ here?'

Dean stopped to reflect. 'You know I really hated it when I first came here. But I think now I'm really settling down. I- it's getting better.'

Bobby nodded and smiled.

'I just want you to be happy with yourself.'

'So how is Rufus?'

'He's okay. He says hi, by the by.'

'You been doing much hunting?'

'Not _much_. Rufus needs help every now and then; otherwise I've been in the garage.'

'I'm just happy that you're doin' okay Bobby.'

'I hope you don't mind, I've been holding in all that coffee from this morning since I left Sioux Falls. Which way is the bathroom?'

'Oh, of course. Go right ahead. It's to the left of the cafeteria exit. You'll see it.'

It wasn't until Bobby left the table when Dean saw Crowley sitting by himself. He wondered if he was alone because he didn't have any family? Suddenly, Crowley's face lit up just like Dean's when he saw Bobby. A small boy, about six years of age, ran to Crowley to be embraced in his arms. Crowley smiled, lifted the boy up and put him on his lap. The boy was his son. An older woman came and sat a few seats away from Crowley. Perhaps Crowley was the boy's only parent. Dean smiled when he saw the two bonding. It was an unexpected thing to happen in a place where Crowley is always alone.

 

'So what's it like here?'

'Well, thanks for sending me the photos and the posters. I really appreciate it.'

'No problem Dean. So... what's your doctor like? Robert?'

He wished that Bobby hadn't asked the question, because it reminded him that Cas wasn't there, and how was he going to tell Bobby he was in a relationship with his doctor? Dean then had to ask himself whether he would still be with Cas when he came out of the hospital. He followed his previous doctor's method to relieve anxiety, then forgot about all his worries. That day, he was going to enjoy his time with Bobby. And he wouldn't let anyone else stop that from happening.

 

 

Castiel bought a takeaway coffee and took it back to his apartment to drink before it cooled down.

'Hi Cas.'

'Oh fuck! Gabriel? How'd you get in?'

Gabriel was spread out on the couch eating a tub of yoghurt.

'The key under the mat. Oh and- what is this?' He asked with a mouthful of food, pointing to the tub.

'That's yoghurt.'

'It tastes gross.'

'It's sugar free. It's  _Greek._ '

Gabriel looked at the tub and found the nutritional information.

'So it is.' He quickly put it on Cas's coffee table.

'Wait wait- what are you _doing_ here?'

'Oh yeah. Well...' he sighed. 'I was given a week of break. So I thought I'd come over here.'

'Really?'

'I haven't seen you for so long. I'm your big bro.'

Cas nodded and smiled. It was always empowering to have Gabe show his love for him.

'Well, sit down. I think I have some pie from yesterday.'

Once Cas gave Gabriel his plate of pie and ice cream, his brother asked him every question he'd been itching to ask.

'So...' he smiled.

Cas squinted and tilted his head back.

'Don't give me your face!' Gabriel knew what Cas was thinking when he made that face.

'Is there something you-'

'Did you ask out Dean?'

Cas blushed. 'What? Pff. He's not gay, Gabriel!'

'YOU DID!'

Cas's cheeks turned a brighter red.

'Or did you do more than that?'

Gabriel leaned forward and stuck his face to Cas's.

'Huh?'

Cas's eyes looked away.

'Tell me. Come on. What did you two do? From the moment I first heard you talk about him, I knew you liked him. It was like you and John Travolta  _all over_ again.'

'Okay just- let me talk.'

Gabriel sat down on the couch opposite Cas again.

'Okay. Talk.'

'Well, he... he is bisexual and-'

'NO WAY!'

'Could you let me finish?'

'Oh, sorry. Continue.'

'We felt the same way about each other... and we became closer... then I guess one thing lead to another-'

When he looked up, Gabriel had his elbows on his knees and his two hands on his cheeks. There was a huge grin on his face.

'I think I know what happened next.'

Cas groaned.

'So- do you _really_ like each other?'

Cas shook his head and grinned. 'Shut _up_.'

'YOU _DO_! So tell me, do you love him?'

Cas moved his head from side to side and shrugged. Gabriel just couldn't handle it. He finished his pie and had to stand up to walk back and forth across the room.

'I'm happy for you Cas.'

'I don't know... I could lose my job Gabriel.'

'Why not sneak around whilst you can? If you're helping him, you need to keep these positive aspects of a relationship in mind. It's all about the patient after all, right?'

Every now and then, Gabe would say things that  _weren't_ completely stupid.

'So how is Cali?'

'Oh- she's good. She's in the hotel room at the moment. She's happy for you and Dean.'

'What!?'

'Nothing. Nothing..'

'Gabriel just-'

Gabriel still had the large grin.

'Just keep your distance. Okay? I don't want this one to end badly.'

* * *

Dean and Bobby had a great time talking. They moved to Dean's bedroom and sat on the bed conversing with each other. It was so nice for Dean to be able to talk to him. On that day, Bobby was his doctor. Dean talked about everything he had buried beneath him about the day of the murders that he hadn't told Bobby before. He talked about demons, he talked about the urges and the anger he had. He talked about the paranoia, and he talked about his sessions and how therapy had been for him. Bobby realised that Dean was a lot happier. He wasn't sure whether it was the drugs he was being given or the therapy, but he knew something was different about Dean. After two hours of listening to Dean telling his story, he knew what it was.

Cas had to force Gabriel to leave so he could go down to the institution. He felt it was necessary to meet Bobby, seeing as he was probably the most important figure in Dean's life. He entered the ward and walked past each cell before finding Dean's. Dean was lying on the bed talking whilst Bobby sat in the chair by the window. When Dean saw Cas enter, he sat up straight away and smiled.

'Cas!'

He stood up to hug him, but Bobby was there, so he just awkwardly turned around to introduce Cas.

'Uh, Bobby. This is-′

'Cas.' Bobby stood up and went to Cas to shake his hand.

'Bobby Singer.'

'Castiel Novak.'

'I've heard _a lot_ about you. I've been hearing  _rants_ about you for the last hour.'

'Dean, could you step outside for a few minutes?'

Dean smiled.

'Sure.'

When Dean left, Bobby grinned and hugged Cas.

'Oh, uh-′ Castiel didn't exactly know what to do, so he patted Bobby's back lightly.

'Mr. Singer-′

'Just call me Bobby.'

' _Bobby,_ Dean seems to...' Cas looked towards the door, '...have gone through a lot in his life.'

'Trust me. He has.'

'I think that if I continue to help him realise _why_ he had the feelings to do what he did in the first place, then he can completely stop having the problems he has _now_. We have him on a few types of medication right now, evaluating which ones benefit him the most.'

'But he's going to be okay?'

'I hope so. Of course, Dean will always be psychologically affected by the events in his past. But he is _very_ strong, and _very_ resilient.' Cas looked towards the door again. 'He's an amazing person.'

Bobby smiled. 'Cas, I, I don't know how to thank you for what you're doing for Dean.'

'I'm a doctor Bobby, I-′

'No Cas. You're making him _happier_. Now, I may not be Einstein but I'm no idjit either. You should have _heard_ the way Dean talks about you.'

Cas smiled. 'If Dean is too embarrassed to tell me about you, then I want you to tell him that I'm okay with it. Trust me, he's a little ray of sunshine in this place, and I don't think it's the therapy and medication making him smile. I think it's you.'

Cas tried to swallow his tears but he didn't know how. Throughout the tension between them, Castiel didn't know whether he could really help Dean. But he was learning how to make everything better for him. Bobby hugged him again. This time Cas wasn't so awkward.

'Thank you Bobby. Thank you.'

 

Unfortunately, the visiting day hours had finished and Bobby had to leave. Dean gave Bobby one last hug outside the corridor exit. Others were returning to their rooms, saying goodbye to their families and guards, nurses and supervisors were escorting visitors. 

'Thanks for coming Bobby.'

'I wasn't _not_ going to show up Dean. You're practically my son after all.'

Dean smiled. 'I hope when I see you again, it's not in this place.'

Bobby grinned and sniffed, which was his way of showing that he was about to start crying.

'It's okay Bobby. Thank you.'

When Bobby left, Cas and Dean shared a meaningful look of hope; hope that everything would be perfect. They kissed quickly whilst no one was around, then Cas had to leave.

'I'll see you tomorrow Dean.'

'Can't you stay for the night?'

'I'm sorry Dean, I can't stay _every_ night. Anyway, I'm having dinner with my brother and his girlfriend.'

'Gabriel's in town?'

'Yeah. He is.'

'Say hi to him for me.'

'I will.'

'See ya Cas.'

'I love you.'

Dean smiled.

'I love you too.'

It's been a good day, Dean thought.

He sighed, went to his room and closed the door. Crowley closed _his_ own door.


	8. Crowley's Puppet

Nicholas Lucas walked down the empty hallway and entered his office- the pristine nameplate in shining, golden block letters. He took a bottle of mineral water from his bar fridge and poured it into a crystal glass. This was where he controlled the doctors, the patients, the staff. He sat behind his desk in his large black leather chair and rested his take away coffee on the coaster. He checked his emails and reviewed the patients that had caused havoc in the past few days. Fortunately his croissant was still warm. He covered it with low fat cream cheese and ate his breakfast quickly. It was another day at the institution. The hospital was the only place he had  _real_ power.

 

 

 

 

* * *

Cas woke up with Dean's hands around his arm. He kissed him lightly on his head and woke him up from his slumber.

'What were you dreaming about?' Cas asked.

'Hmmm. Let me think... there was a  _dog,_ there was- Bobby... oh, and you were in it.' He grinned.

' _I_ was in the dream?'

'Yes you  _were._ '

Dean sat up and twisted his hips. His back cracked.

It had been two months since Dean met Cas. He felt so much happier. He was kinder, less aggravated. And he didn't have trouble sleeping at night. Even when Cas wasn't in bed with him, Dean had the comfort of knowing he would talk to Cas in the middle of the day. He hadn't called anyone a demon in weeks. He didn't feel so tense that he would have to call people it.  
Dean bent down and kissed Cas's nose, then under his nose, then on his lips.

'I'm going to get dressed.'

Cas yawned.

'Can I have breakfast with you this morning?'

'Sure.' Dean smiled.

* * *

They sat at their end of the table and ate toast together in the dining hall. Dean always enjoyed eating breakfast with Cas. People would sometimes stare, but he didn't mind. What he didn't like were the excuses Cas had to use for the nurses and coordinators to sit with him. He wished things were different.

'So what are you doing today?' Dean asked.

Cas sighed. 'Well... I might go home, have a shower, read. Then after I see you I might have lunch at the restaurant I like.'

Dean nodded and gazed into Cas's eyes. Cas blushed.

'Little angel.' Dean murmured. Cas grinned and turned his head away so Dean couldn't see his red cheeks. He looked over to the table behind Dean and saw a patient staring at him smiling.

'Oh.' He moved back towards Dean. 'That guy is still watching us. He has been for ages.'

Dean turned around. Crowley. Dean frowned.

'Jesus, Crowley.' He muttered.

'So this is Crowley?'

'Yep. That's the guy.'

Cas squinted and looked over at him again.

'He's smiling.'

Dean slid off his seat and went over to the end of the table behind him.

'What do you want?' He mumbled.

Crowley looked up at him. 'Is something wrong Dean?'

'What the fuck do you want?'

'Dean, please, I think you should  _respect_ me.'

'Respecting you? Kiss my ass.' He returned to his boyfriend.

'Goddammit.'

'Is everything okay?' Cas asked, looking concerned.

'Everything's fine.'

'Are you sure Dean?'

Dean looked up at him and smiled. 'Yeah, peachy.'

* * *

Cas and Dean relaxed in the office and ate Hershey Kisses. In the last couple of weeks all they had been doing was fucking around in the office; playing truth or dare and retelling childhood memories. Cas came to the decision they would do what he was there for. 

'So Dean... how have you been feeling lately?'

'I've been feeling a lot better. Of course, I occasionally get tense. But I'm a lot better.'

'That's  _good_. That's good. And you've identified these feelings and managed them easily?'

Dean nodded. 'Yep.'

Cas smiled. He was proud of Dean.

'When do you experience these feelings?'

'When I get frustrated at people. Like Crowley and Mr. Alastair. I don't like it when they deliberately do things to make me feel bad.'

'Mr.  _Alastair_ does things like that?'

Dean frowned. 'No.' He was still having paranoid feelings about some people.

'Mr. Alastair is here to help you. Just like me Dean. He's not out to get you. If he hasn't hurt you in the time since last year, then you have to trust that he won't do anything in the future. Okay Dean?'

Dean nodded. 'It's hard though.'

'I know it's hard. The medication you're being given is aiming to sort out the problems you still have, but you have to know this Dean. Not everyone is a bad person. Okay?'

Dean nodded again.

'You know that you have a mental illness Dean. And if you know when you have the paranoia, the anger or the anxiety then you can tell yourself that it's not real.'

'Okay.'

'Love you Dean.'

'Love you too Cas.'

 

Cas sat at his usual table in his favourite restaurant and ordered his usual meal. He worried a lot. He feared that the hospital would find out about their relationship. He loved Dean, but he couldn't shake off the fear of losing him forever. He didn't want to tell Dean. It would just make him more anxious, and Dean meant so much to him. Every night when Cas prayed he would always think of him. He was going to be his guardian angel. He would protect Dean no matter what happened. 

 

Dean watched TV in the rec room by himself. That was what he usually did after therapy. Since he finished early with Cas, he could have the television to himself. There were a few other patients in the room, but they were playing ping pong. Whenever the room was quiet, Dean could clear his mind and enjoy himself without the deafening sound of the other patients. He was so content watching the cooking channel. The only thing that would disturb him at that point entered the room. Dean ignored his presence after seeing the rat in the corner of his eye. He approached Dean then sat on the couch beside him.

'Hello Dean.'

He didn't reply. Crowley sighed.

'I'd like to make another deal with you Dean.'

'No. No way. Nope.'

'Come on.' He smiled. 'I think you'll like  _this_ one.'

'Oh yeah? And what do I get?'

'I think it's a question of, what  _won't_ you get.'

'Huh?'

'Do what I ask, and I won't tell Mr. Alastair your little secret.'

'Secret?'

'You know the one. Slumbering with that trench coat doctor.'

Dean froze. How? How did he know? An urge to hit Crowley right on the chin became a culpable choice, but he couldn't. He couldn't do  _anything_. Crowley had the potential to end Dean and Cas.

'W-' He paused. 'What do you want?'

'How about this? You give me your breakfast for the next week. Just food. How does that sound?'

'Is that it?' It seemed to good to be true. There had to be a catch.

'Oh. And how about tonight you sneak into the guard's office and take his spare set of keys?'

'Are you crazy?'

'Or I could call your,  _adviser_  Mr. Alastair, over right now.'

'Don't do this Crowley. I can tell the hospital about your deal.'

'Go ahead. Do you think that would stop them from finding out?'

Dean swallowed.

'Guard-' Crowley raised his hand.

'Okay! Okay. Jesus. I'll do it.'

'Good. Give me the keys at breakfast tomorrow.'

'What do you  _want_ with those keys? I know how to unlock those doors. It's simple if you have the right stuff.'

'There's a key that the guard owns. A  _universal_ key. And trust me Dean. Rooms aren't the only things the key can open.'

'What are you talking about Crowley?'

'I'm talking about this place's  _wealth._ '

Dean frowned. What the hell was he on about?

'And don't waste your time Dean. The clock is ticking.'

Crowley smiled, more like a grimace, and left the rec room.

Dean had no choice. If he didn't do what Crowley asked then Cas would lose his job... and they'd be separated from each other's grasp. 

The bell sounded and Dean lined up to have his pills given to him. He arrived at the booth, swallowed the lot, then walked in the queue of people. Dinner was lasagna. Again. He devoured the first crispy cheese layer smothered with mashed potato. He always hated taking the medication, especially the taste the pills left in his mouth. Looking up from his plate, he saw Crowley sitting and, of course, smiling.

'God, I hate him.' Dean muttered.

* * *

It was past midnight; almost three hours since lights were turned off. Dean lay in bed without any sign of fatigue. He was wide awake. If Cas was there he would be able to use his key to unlock Dean's room. Using a thin wire made of paperclips he jammed open the locked door. Two guards stood at the end of the hallway ambling around and talking. He opened it further and waited for the panning security camera to move until he was out of its view. Dean slipped out and slowly moved up the hallway, trying to keep his body against the wall. The camera began to turn to his side of the hallway again. He moved quickly and tried to stay in the darkness. One of the guards began to turn towards the hallway. Dean found the corner and went around it, then he collapsed onto the ground. He was safe. Of course, he had to avoid being seen out the window by the guard in his office, but he was safe. He crouched lower to the ground and like a cat crawled along the wall until he came to the office.

Dean opened the door and went inside without making a noise. The guard, who was facing the window, was listening to an audiobook through his headphones but glancing at the monitors every couple of seconds. The keys were on the desk. Dean reached for the keys but he couldn't grab them without his hand being spotted. Sweat beads rolled down the sides of his face. He held his breath in and snatched them. They jingled, but luckily the guard couldn't hear it. Dean shuffled backwards, opened the door and slipped out, then shut it without a sound. He gasped for air and wiped the sweat from his forehead. He stuffed the keys down his pants and went back to the hallway with his room. He stuck his head around the corner and watched the guard assisting patients back to their rooms and watching those at risk. The camera turned and the guard walked the opposite way. Dean swiftly crawled over to his door and tugged it open. The guard was out of sight. Dean scrambled into his room and shut the door.

Dean was still shaking an hour after he took the keys. He had to put his hand under his pillow every minute to check if the keys were still there. He felt so guilty, but at the same time relieved that he would still be together with Cas. He didn't want to let anything come between them.

* * *

'Mr. Lucas.'

'Nick.' He affirmed.

' _Nick,_  a patient just came to me.'

'And?'

'He told me that one of the patients I supervise is having a relationship with his doctor.'

Nick looked up.

'What? Who told you this?'

'A patient who refers to himself as Crowley.'

'Crowley? How does he know this? Let me guess, pathological liar?'

'Can we really risk dismissing it?'

'And who is patient having the affair?'

'Dean Winchester.'

Nicholas nodded. 'The Sioux Falls murders. He's been here for eight months yes?'

Mr. Alastair nodded.

'And who is his doctor?'

'Castiel Novak.'

'And he's only treating Winchester?'

'Yes.'

'So is it true?'

'I have asked the guards, and they  _have_ seen Mr. Novak leave Dean's room before.'

'How did we not  _know_ this? _God_.'

'They were keeping it a secret Sir. I'm not sure how long this has been going on. We can't let anyone else know.'

'Bring in Mr. Crowley. I want to talk to him.'

'Well, that's not  _all_  Nick. Crowley also told me that Winchester stole spare keys from Building A's office. Ted mentioned last week he lost the spare keys.'

'He stole them from the office? He- bring in Crowley!' It was inconceivable that a disaster like this had been happening in that very building. 

Crowley entered Mr. Lucas' office shortly after Alastair received him and sat opposite Lucas. 

'So Mr. Crowley. Is what you told Mr. Alastair true?'

'Yes. Every word of it. I've heard them several times talking to each other about- ahem.'

'And Dean took the set of keys from the security office?'

'When he found out I knew about what he had with his doctor, he wanted to do whatever he could to satisfy me. The boy followed me around, begging me to not say anything about it. He wanted to give me things. He promised he would give me his medication, his food, the keys. I told him that I didn't want to make a deal with him- but of course, he went ahead and took the keys. This morning, when he told me he would give me the keys at breakfast, I knew I had to tell someone about it all.'

Nicholas nodded. 'Thank you Crowley. I appreciate you telling us this. You may leave now.'

Crowley smiled then left the room. Mr. Alastair came back into the office.

'Have the guards put Mr. Winchester in solitary over in Building C. When Novak arrives, send him here so I can talk to him.'

Mr. Alastair nodded. The rooms in Building C were for patients who weren't cooperating. They were half the size, the patient had to have an hour extra of therapy and they weren't allowed to use the recreational facilities. Castiel would lose his job. Dean would lose hope. Bad things were about to come for the two.

 


	9. Isolated

Castiel's phone vibrated beneath his pillow. He groaned, slowly put his hand under and pulled it. The blinding light was the last thing he wanted to see at that time of the day. It was from the centre.

 

 

 

'Hello this is Castiel.'

He opened both eyes.

'Is something wrong with Dean? Is he okay?... oh thank god... you- why do you need me?... well yes I'll be there soon... Okay. I'll- I'll be there as soon as possible.'

He suddenly felt stomach-turning uneasiness. Something wasn't right. Everything  _sounded_ okay, but he knew something was going on.

* * *

The receptionist told Cas that Mr. Luca was expecting him as soon as he came through the door. His palms became sweaty.

'Sure.'

He followed the long staircase until he came to the top floor; a long hallway with several other offices. The end door was plaqued with a name he could see from the first office. 'Nicholas Lucas.' His boss. It had been a few weeks since he and Mr. Lucas had talked. He stood outside the door and knocked.

'Come in.'

Cas cautiously entered the office.

'Mr. Novak.'

Castiel sat in the chair opposite his boss. 'Yes Mr. Lucas?'

'Call me Nick.'

'Uh, okay.' He nodded.

'A patient has informed me of your relationship with Dean Winchester, and I have no choice but to fire you.'

Castiel's heart fell into his stomach. 'No.'

'I've heard you have slept in Winchester's cell.'

'Why does it matter?' He stood up. Despite his own preached methods, nothing could stop his anger. Mr. Lucas did the same and slammed his hands down.

'We can't accept this here! I expect you to leave the hospital immediately or else I'll have to call security.'

'Listen to me. Dean and I share a profound bond. You can't  _do_ this. You  _don't_ understand. He  _listens_ to me and if-

'Mr. Novak! You have been together with your  _patient._ He is mentally ill and you took advantage of him! _Forcing_ him into homosexuality?'

'How _dare_ you! He was not _forced_! If you break us apart then it will psychologically _a_ _ffect_ him!' He screamed out. Cas was turning red.

'Why do you _think_ he is here?'

'If you let me go then Dean will never get over his illness. You've seen my reports! His condition has improved since we started-'

'Did you hear what I said? I will call security!'

Cas shut his mouth and huffed.

'You may  _think_ you've helped Dean but you're just setting him back to have another incident. We cannot let something like this happen.'

'Anger! That's what he felt! And if you do this then he'll be angrier than he was the day the incident _happened_!'

Mr. Luca picked up the phone. Cas turned and ran out the door. He sprinted to the end of the hallway and down the staircase. He had to find Dean. It was still breakfast time.

'Mr. Alastair?... yes it's him. Find Dr. Novak. Bring security.'

* * *

Where was Crowley? Dean had sat in front of a stack of pancakes for 10 minutes. And Crowley hadn't turned up to take the keys that Dean stole just to keep him quiet about Cas. Dean couldn't bear waiting when there was food in front of him.

'Come  _on_ Crowley.'

Dean stuck his fork in his pancakes and licked off the maple syrup. How much longer did he have to wait? His guts turned inside out when he realised Mr. Alastair was pulling out a seat to sit across from Dean.

'Good morning Dean.' He smiled. Dean despised it.

'Hello Mr. Alastair.' He frowned and took his eyes back to his plate.

'You're not eating?'

'I was waiting for them to cool down.' He pointed to his plate.

'Dean, I'm going to have to take you into solitary.'

'What? Why?' Dean stood up and pushed his chair back. It made a cringe worthy screeching noise.

'I think you know why, Dean.'

'You mean about Cas? About Cas?'

'Yes Dean.'

Dean had to stop himself from crying.

'You can't do this. Are you- are you going to  _fire_  him?'

'Dean, just calm down and come with me.'

'No!'

Dean turned and ran towards the kitchen.

'Quick, go after him!' Mr. Alastair shouted to the guards. They went into the kitchen to find Dean.

Dean hid behind the counter with a large knife in hand. He could hear the guards coming. They entered holding a syringe full of sedative. Dean stood up and held out the knife with the blade pointing directly at them.

'Back off!' Dean jumped over the counter and ran out of the kitchen. There were more guards.

'Fucking demons!' He shouted. He was willing to throw the knife at one of them. He could see someone coming up behind him. He quickly turned. It was Cas.

'Cas!'

'Dean!'

They hugged each other.

'They're trying to get me Cas. They're trying to get me.'

'I know Dean I-' Cas's eyes were watering. 'It's all my fault.'

'No Cas- it's mine. I should never have done that deal. I'm sorry.' Tears went down his cheek.

'We'll be together Dean. I- Dean!'

Two guards came up behind him and put their arms around his waist and legs. Dean kept struggling. He twisted and kicked but he couldn't escape their hold.

'Cas!'

Castiel tried to pull the workers away.

'Cas...' They injected the sedative into him. He could see Cas crying, before feeling his limbs go numb and collapsing.

'I'm sorry Dean! I'm sorry!' Dean was picked up from the floor and dragged away.

'You bastards! You bastards!' Cas knelt to the ground and put his face to his hands.

'I'm sorry...' He sobbed.

 

* * *

 

Castiel lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Another morning. He came to the decision he wouldn't have a shower that day. Nor did he want to have a shower the next day, or the day after that, or the day after that. For days he had been drowning in his own bedsheets. He had been numb under pillows and cotton. If he were to sleep in past eight, he decided he may as well stay in bed until twelve. It was a shameful experience of listening to his ringtone and his alarm play Sinead O'Conner's 'Nothing Compares 2 U' without responding.

On the floor of Cas's bedroom were five empty hard alcohol bottles, three chocolate block wrappers, tissues, half an apple pie wrapped in tin foil and a towel covering Cas's vomit. There were also DVDs- Before Sunrise, The Notebook and Breakfast at Tiffany's. Dean had watched each one three times since he last saw Dean. He kept telling himself that he was being stupid and that what he had with Dean wasn't meant to last, but he would just end up breaking down and thinking about him. No one had ever made Cas feel that happy. When he thought about his future, he imagined Dean being in it.

Gabriel knocked on the door three times.

'Cas? It's me, Gabe.'

Castiel wanted to answer him, but he didn't have the time.

'Cas? Open the door.'

' _You_ open the door!' He shouted.

Gabriel lifted up the mat. The key wasn't there.

'Cas! Open the door!'

Cas rolled out of the bed and fell onto the floor. He groaned.

'There's a key under the door!'

Gabriel bent down and could see a silver key on the floor between the gap. He poked his fingers through and slid the key out.

Gabriel entered the apartment and saw Cas lying on his bedroom floor.

'Cas! Are you okay?'

He dragged him up to his bed. Cas was a mess. His hair was oily, his stubble had grown to a beard and his clothes were creased and stained.

'Look at yourself, Cas!'

When he opened his eyes, Castiel saw a very concerned Gabriel.

'Hi Gabe.'

'You need a shower.'

 

Gabe ran to the bathroom and turned the shower on before helping Cas undress himself.

'Come on Cas.' He pushed him into the shower.

'No! No-' Gabriel had to hold Cas under the water.

'No Gabriel! Stop it! Stop it!' Cas began to sob like a child. 'Stop it...'

He gave in and stopped moving around. His leaned against the shower wall.

* * *

Castiel walked into the living room with a towel wrapped around his now washed head. The forest of hair on his face had been shaved off. He was using deodorant again.

'Cas, put some clothes on.'

He said nothing.

'Put some clothes on and tell me what happened.'

Cas nodded.

'Did I _call_ you?' Cas asked with legitimate confusion. 

'You called me and you were crying. Remember?'

Cas nodded. He could recall some of it. He said he wanted Gabriel, which was completely true.

'So tell me what  _exactly_ happened.'

He sighed before he began.

'I tried to convince him. He wouldn't listen to me. He didn't want me with Dean. I had to  _watch_ Dean be taken away.'

'I'm sorry Cas.'

'I just wish he was with me.' Mid sentence, Cas started crying again. Gabriel sat beside him and let Cas rest his head on his chest.

'It's okay kid. I'm here.'

* * *

Dean stood in the shower letting the water run down his face. The nightmare he had was the worst he'd had that week. It involved Cas. In the dream, Cas was crying, not Jo. Dean killed Cas. He was crying when he woke up, except there was no one he could trust to talk about it. After he changed into a new set of clothes he went to his therapy room and waited for his new doctor to come.

'Wasting my goddamn time.'

Zachary entered the room holding a large notepad and a pen.

'Hello Dean.'

Dean nodded.

'I hope you cooperate today.'

Dean scowled a black look at Zachary.

'Don't be like  _that_ Dean. I just want you to answer some questions.'

'Yeah? What?'

'I want to know why you're so hostile with me.'

Dean didn't reply.

'If you told me how you feel maybe we'd be able to get along.'

'No.'

'Tell me about Dr. Novak.'

He didn't reply.

'I understand Dean, that your father had an alcoholism problem. Would you say before coming here you frequently drank?'

'No.'

'Have you ever experimented with drugs?'

'No!' Everything Zachary did annoyed Dean.

'I just want you to answer my questions Dean. Please.'

'I'm going to my cell.'

He went to the door, turned to Zachary and spat at the ground.

'Fucking demon!'

 

The pillow was wet with Dean's tears. He missed Cas. He missed him so, so much. Dean punched the pillow.

'Fuck!'

He looked at his hands. They were shaking. He began to sob again. He picked his pillow up and threw it at the security camera watching him.

'Fuck you!'

One week of what Dean had been through was worst than his first month at the institution. He didn't give a shit about the TV. He didn't give a shit about the spacious room. He just wanted Cas back. Whether he would be a boyfriend or a doctor, Dean just wanted to be with him again.

* * *

Cas held a warm cup of coffee in his hand. Gabriel had made it especially for him.

'Drink it. You need it.'

Cas sighed.

'You didn't have to come over.'

'I called you three times after you left me that message. You didn't pick up. So, I took leave. Said it was a family emergency.'

'But it's not a family-'

'It  _is_ Cas. I was worrying about you. I had to come here.'

'If I don't answer my phone it doesn't mean there's something wrong.'

'But there _is_ something wrong. When I saw you lying on the floor I thought you were  _unconscious._ You practically were.'

Cas lifted the cup to his mouth and took a sip. His face screwed up.

'Jesus Gabe! How much sugar did you put in that?'

'I put in what _I_  take!'

'How many teaspoons is  _that_?'

'A few.'

'A few!?'

Gabriel sighed.

'Just give it to me!' Gabriel snatched it from him and drank what Cas couldn't.

'Cas.'

'What?'

'You need to get Dean back.'

'How am I supposed to  _do_ that? I'm not even allowed to enter that building anymore! I have no chance Gabriel.' Cas sighed. 'I'm not going to see him again. And even if I  _do_ aim to see him again, it's going to feel like forever before I do.'

'Cas! You just have to stand up for yourself! And you need to make a deal with that asshole boss of yours. Come on, you  _deserved_ this job. And you were damn good at it!'

Gabriel stood up and thrust his fist into the air. 'You can't just sit here! You have to  _do_ something Cas! And I'm going to help you whether you like it or not! Because you were  _happy_ when you were with Dean! Well... you sounded happy on the phone... but anyway- you still love him! And I'm willing to bet that he loves you too!'

'Gabe- I can't.'

'CAN'T OR WON'T!?'

Cas sighed then laughed.

'Okay. I- I do love Dean. I need him. He needs me.'

Gabriel grinned.

'That's the spirit! Cas! We need Dean's parents!'

'Well they're uh- maybe we could get help from Bobby.'

'Bobby?'

'Yes.' Cas smiled.

'Okay!'

'I mean, if we have Dean's guardian with us, maybe he can help us convince them what Dean needs. If we just give them as much evidence as possible, and of course let Dean have a say, we could cut his time. Or we could even get him out of that place.'

Maybe their plan would work. Maybe he really could get Dean back. He knew neither of them could guarantee it, but hope was what Cas was in desperate need of.

 

For the first time in a week Castiel had a proper meal. Gabriel stayed at the apartment and cooked him his favourite pasta dish.

'Thanks Gabe. Thanks for helping me.'

'You're my brother Cas. I love you. And I'm not going to let you lose him. If you think Dean's the one, then I'm going to do whatever it takes to put you two together again.'

Cas smiled. 'There's ice cream in the freezer.'

Gabriel lit up. 'No way! Thanks for the heads up.'


	10. Knight In Shining Trench Coat

 

Bobby tipped up his trucker's hat and raised his eyebrows when he heard a knock at the door. People would rarely visit the house without notice, so it was surprising that someone other than a customer or friend wanted to see him. He followed the knock, opened the front door and stepped back.

 

 

 

'Castiel?'

'Hello Bobby.' Cas nodded. 'Can we come in? It's about Dean.'

Bobby's throat tightened and he tried his best to say something.

'Is Dean okay?'

'I-' Cas knew that Dean wasn't okay where he was. He had heard Dean talk about how he felt in that first month. Dean hated it. The only reason he settled into the place was because of his new doctor. Cas had difficulty looking into Bobby's eyes. He couldn't say Dean was okay.

'Can I just talk to you?'

'Sure. Come on in.' Bobby scratched his arm and held the door open for Cas and Gabriel. He led them into the living room and began to pile up the pieces of paper spread out on the floor.

'Sorry about the mess.'

'It could be worse.' Gabriel said. Cas turned to Gabriel and gave him a threatening look.

'How'd you find me anyway?'

'Dean talked about the repair shop a lot. I searched it and found the address.'

'I didn't know he talked about me or the shop... so.' Bobby sat on the edge of his desk. 'What can I do you for?'

'Last week I was, fired. I can't see Dean there again.'

Bobby screwed up his face. 'What do you mean? Are you saying that they found out about you and Dean?'

Cas nodded.

'I knew that place was no good for him... and they gave him a new doctor?'

'Yes... and they have probably isolated him from other patients. Building C, its where they take unruly patients.'

Bobby shook his head in concern 'That poor boy.'

'The reason why I'm here is because I-' As Cas turned to Gabriel again, he saw that he was touching Bobby's belongings and possessions as if he were shopping; a rude thing to do in kind Bobby's house.

'Gabriel.' He turned and saw Cas giving him his angry squint.

'Sorry, I was just looking.'

Cas sighed. 'I want to try to make a deal with them.'

'A deal? For you to treat him again?'

'If we can convince them, then maybe they will move Dean to a place better for him and I'll be his doctor again.'

Bobby frowned. 'Sorry son, but if that boy's been moved then I don't think they'll take your advice.'

'But Dean _needs_ me.'

'I'm not saying he doesn't love you Cas, but are you sure that's what's best for Dean?'

Cas stared into the distance and considered what Bobby told him. Cas turned to Gabriel.

'What if he is better _without_ me?'

Gabriel frowned.

'Cas-' Bobby said. 'I'll go with you to the centre. But I'm _sorry_ if they can't help you out. He's there for one purpose. And believe me, I want to help him if he's in hell. I just want to see him come out of that place without a scratch.'

'I understand.'

'So are you just gonna stand there, _boy_? Dean could be praying for us to help him as we speak.'

 

Dean missed music. He wanted to wake up, put his headphones on and tap his foot to the drum beat. It would have made his cell less empty and soulless. Thinking of Robert Plant reminded him of the good old days when he and Sam would go on their hunting trips. Dean always played the music he wanted. Sometimes Sammy would complain, sometimes he wouldn't. Dean would always enforce tolerance of what he played. He didn't realise that Zachary was knocking on his door until it opened.

'Dean?'

He looked up and huffed. 'Yes, I'm coming.'

Zachary smiled and closed the door, then walked down the hallway and entered the therapy room. God, he really was growing tired of his patient. Everyday, Dean would be uncooperative towards his questions and simply turn his nose up at anything he said. Sure, he'd met people like him, but Dean didn't have what they did. To Zachary, he was just being an  _asshole_. A self centred piece of shit who was gay for his last doctor. He wished he could just get his salary and move onto another patient instead of having to stick around with Winchester. Dean's attitude convinced him that he was an ex-junkie who was driven to go on a murderous rampage mid-high. Looking over the reports written by Dr. Novak, he sounded like a completely different person. Like a kind, wise angel who could connect and communicate through an expression. In person, he was just a delinquent. Each time he met with him, Zachary could feel a migraine coming on. God, he hated how stubborn Winchester was being.

* * *

There was a sense of awkwardness as Bobby drove the Impala. Gabriel was eating a chocolate bar that neither Cas nor Bobby knew where it had come from. After two hours of driving Bobby spoke up.

'What would Dean be doing right now?' He said in a low, gruff tone.

Cas frowned in thought.

'He would probably be with his new doctor. Otherwise he could be in his room.'

'I just hope the kid's doing okay.'

'So do I.' Cas watched the pine trees move past the window, thinking about Dean. About his smell, his skin, his hair, his hold. Dean thrived on stimulation, so how would he survive in the other ward? Cas had felt fatigued since he arrived at Bobby's house. Gabriel insisted that they went there to speak to him face to face, despite the long drive. The journey continued to give him heavy eyes. Realising this for the fifth time, he quickly opened them and shook himself awake.

'Get some sleep Cas, you look tired.' Bobby murmured to him.

'No- I can stay awake.' He urged.

'Get some _sleep_ I said.'

Cas finally decided it was best to listen to Bobby and rested his heavy head back on the chair. The world around him faded away and he fell asleep.

* * *

Dean felt the hard creases in his plain blue sheets before lifting them up and wrapped them around him. He collapsed back onto the hard mattress and buried his face in his pillow. He didn't want _anyone_ to disturb him. He just wanted sleep. He didn't care if he had another nightmare. His head was throbbing, his limbs were weak and sleep was the only thing apart from Cas that he desperately wanted. Slowly, _gently,_ he closed his eyes. After three short seconds he was startled by a loud noise. His door had been slammed open.

'Dean?'

Dean punched his mattress and sat up in his bed. It was Mr. Alastair.

'What do _you_ want?' He asked, letting the sheets around him fall.

'Mr. Lucas would like to see you.'

Dean groaned. 'Yeah? What the fuck does he want?'

Nick moved past Mr. Alastair and entered the room.

'Well.' Dean said with a sarcastic tone. 'Speak of the devil.'

Satan sat on the edge of Dean's shitty bed.

'Hello Dean.'

Dean groaned and squinted his eyes.

'Zachary has told me that you haven't been cooperating with him.'

'And?' Dean was ready to throw a hard fist at the guy.

'I just wanted to ask you what is making you upset. Talk to me.' It was shocking he was trying to come across as friendly.

'Upset?' Dean's voice was deep and rough. 'I'm not upset, I'm _angry_.'

'Why _is_ that?'

'Because you friggin' demons aren't listening to what I have to say. And you didn't listen to _Cas_ either.'

'Castiel? Dr. Novak won't come back here and it's for the best, Dean. It's for _your_ best.'

'I didn't talk about him coming _back_ here! I'm talking about what _I_ want! You said a thousand times it was for the best for me! So why the hell aren't you listening to what _I_ think is the best huh?'

Nick sighed.

'Then what _is_ it that you want Dean?'

'I- I don't want to live in this cell anymore.' He began quietly, before raising his voice.' I want to be back at the other building. I want my old room back. And just let me say that obviously Zach and I aren't really working, _Nick_. So if you really want me to get out of this shit hole then I suggest you give Cas a call and request that he becomes my doctor again!'

'Dean-'

'Don't _Dean_ me! Are you going to listen to me or not?'

Nick left the bed and stood in the doorway.

'I won't do that Dean. You're being irrational.' He slammed the door shut.

'Hey!' He went to the door and hit his fist against the window. 'Hey! Come back here! I'm not finished with you!' He continued to bang the door, but of course, no one wanted to listen to Dean's complaints.

'Goddamnit!'

He went to his barred up window and punched the glass. It was practically unbreakable, Dean's fist however was now scraped at the knuckles and bleeding.

' _Fuck!_ ' He cried out in pain.

Dean pushed at the bars and tried to unscrew the bars with his fingernails, but he failed. Blood smeared the sides where he had tried to budge the bars. For the third time that day, he collapsed to the hard ground and began to cry.

'I fucking HATE this place!' He whimpered. Dean had never felt so powerless in his life. He wanted to destroy and savour everything around him at the same time. Violently he thrust a punch into his lone mirror above the basin. It broke and fell to the floor, resulting in more insufferable pain and a pile of shards before him. How had everything gone so wrong? He thought he was okay. He thought he was getting better. So how could he let everything slip away?

* * *

The Impala glistened in the sun as Bobby drove through the streets of Lawrence. He had washed it recently. In fact, he had washed and waxed it every few weeks so that it wouldn't get a build up of dirt. Dean didn't have any pets Bobby could look after whilst he was at the institution, so he cared for the Impala instead. They drove until they came to the large car park outside of the centre.

'Here it is.' With his left hand Bobby shook Cas and woke him up.

'We're here?'

'Yep.'

Gabriel was asleep in the back with a lollipop hanging out of mouth.

'Gabe! Wake up.'

Gabriel's eyes opened and he looked at his surroundings to remember where he was.

'What time is it?'

Bobby looked at his watch as he parked the car.

'2:30.'

Gabriel yawned and put his lollipop back in his mouth.

Cas looked out the window and examined the features of the brick building. He was afraid of it. It was like a morgue. Cold, dark and full of empty shells that were people. The place didn't seem so bad when he was going inside to see Dean. But now, it was completely different. Perhaps the idea of Dean had given the place an eminence front.

'So are we gonna do this or what?' Cas realised that Bobby always had a sassy way of talking to people. He was coming to know this man quite well!

'That's probably where he is.' Cas pointed over the brick building next to Building B. Rows of barred up windows were lined up across each story.

'Maybe we should let him know we're here.'

 

Dean held a pillow case around his bleeding hand. Like a rabbit, he lifted his head and his ears turned on. He heard the beginning to a very familiar song. A song none of than 'Ramble On' by Led Zeppelin. He realised it was coming from outside. He cautiously walked over and looked through the bars. He couldn't believe it.

'Cas!'

Leaning against his baby in the carpark was Cas, smiling and waving. And standing a few feet away from the car was Bobby, standing with someone sucking on a lollipop. Dean began smiling like an idiot, all whilst his eyes teared up. He was so happy. Cas was there. Bobby was there. The _Impala_ was there. Cas walked over to the building and stood there, looking up at Dean's window which was a few levels up. Dean grabbed a piece of mirror and pried it through the sill, breaking the locked window. He used the tips of his fingers to push it up through the bars.

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel. Let down your hair.'

'I thought you'd never come back! And you brought _Bobby_!'

Cas grinned. 'I had to come for you Dean. I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry I let you go.' He shouted up.

'You don't have to feel sorry Cas! It- It was going to happen one way or another!'

'I'm going to help you! I have to! I'm going to try to negotiate with them.'

Dean just couldn't stop smiling. Cas, his knight, was rescuing him. However, things weren't going to play out like a fairy tale. Zachary entered the room appearing far more intimidating than the previous times.

'Dean! What are you doing?' He saw the bloody pillow case and the mirror on the floor. 'What happened to your hand?'

Dean picked up a shard of the glass and held it out.

'Don't come near me.'

'Dean! Dean you're bloody!'

Cas sprinted to the building entrance and went to the front office, entering with his spare Doctor's ID.

'Which-' He was still trying to catch his breath. 'Which room is Dean Winchester in?

'Uh-' The receptionist typed on her keyboard. 'Room 25.'

'25? Thanks.'

Cas sprinted out of the building, found the entrance to the building Dean was in, and continued up the stairs until he found Dean's hallway.

'Room 18... room 19... 20...' Cas heard Dean crying out. The only room with a door open was 25. When Cas stood in the doorway, he saw a man holding Dean down and preparing a fist in the air to strike down on him. Someone was about to hurt Dean. Cas clenched his hand into a fist and stood behind the man.

'Hey assbutt.' The man turned around suddenly and Cas threw a punch at him in the face. He fell to the ground and put his hands on his bleeding nose then scrambled to the wall. Dean sat up and trembled before he pulled himself together again.

'Ass _butt_?'

Cas was breathing with exhilaration. He held out his hand for Dean to grab.

'Are you okay?'

Dean nodded. 'Yeah. Thanks Cas.' Dean took his hand and Cas pulled him forward into a hug.

'I've missed you Dean.'

'I've missed you too, Cas.'


	11. His Old Room

Dean and Cas walked down the the long hallway hand in hand, passing each cell until they reached the door out to the staircase. They both needed to sit and regain their energy.

'Have you been making out okay?' Cas asked.

Dean nodded with a lack of eye contact.

'Really?'

Dean's brilliant green eyes met Cas's.

'I've been having nightmares. Every time I fall asleep Cas.' He was doing so well at containing himself.

Cas put his arm around Dean.

'It's okay Dean. It's okay now. I've got you.'

The door leading to the staircase opened and three nurses surrounded Cas and Dean.

'Dean!' Cas didn't want it to all happen again. He didn't want to see them give Dean a sedative again.

'Let go of me!' Dean cried out. They took out the syringe and gave him the poison.

'Dean- no!' They took him away from Dean. He stopped struggling. There was nothing Cas could do but let the nurses take him.

 

Mr. Lucas' office door flew open and a guard dragged Castiel in.

'Dr. Novak.'

Cas was pushed into the chair at his desk.

'You know why I am here Mr. Lucas.'

'You're making a fool of yourself Castiel.'

Cas was furious. He wanted to throw the guy against the wall. The only way he could compromise with him was to treat him like royalty.

'I just wanted to negotiate.'

'Negotiate? Cas we've been through this.'

Mr. Lucas went to his huge, unbarred window. His rectangular fish tank sat on the sill. Each exotic fish  crowded to the corner he was facing. He took out a small container of fish food from his pocket, screwed off the yellow lid and tapped it on the edge of tank. Orange and red flakes fell into the water and his ten goldfish swam to the surface to consume it.

'Mr. Lucas. _Please._ I'm not going to be angry with you. I just want you to understand. Dean and I-'

'-Share a profound bond I know I know.' He went back to his desk.

'He hasn't been doing well without me here, has he?'

'I prefer the name Nick.'

' _Nick_ , Dean was happier with me. And what you're putting him through now isn't going to give that feeling back to him. I just want you to consider the fact that when _I_ was around, Dean was improving. And trust me, I know. Please. How do you know that Zachary is better for him? I stopped him today just in time before he _punched_ Dean! How would that sound in _court?_ Doctor-patient  _abuse_? I just want what you want- Dean cured. But right now-' Cas sighed.

'I understand.'

Nick opened a draw in his desk and took out a manila folder. Inside were Dean's reports. He read over the reports Cas had written, then the reports Zachary had written.

Bobby found Nicholas Lucas' office and knocked on the door. The receptionist had given him the directions there. If Cas had been taken away, he was likely to be in the Dean's office. The tall man with slicked back blonde, greying hair and wearing a well-tailored suit greeted him.

'You must be Dean's guardian.'

'Yes I am. Cas and I are here for one reason Mister, so you better-'

'Yes. I know. Have a seat.'

Bobby's expression was surprised from the man's respect towards him.

'Please Mr. Singer.'

Bobby did so and raised his eyebrows as he looked over to Cas.

'Obviously you are here to make, a _deal_ , so Cas can treat him again.'

'That's right! And as Dean's guardian I _know_ that this is what he needs.'

'You were clearly his best doctor Castiel but the  _nature_ of this relationship is, is- we just can't have it. They're strictly prohibited. What did you  _expect_?'

Cas began speak up. 'I know you may have something against him loving me and me loving him, but that's what Dean needs. That's what he needs to get him through it all. I guarantee he will be out of here within six months. Not Dr. Robert, not Zachary. Me.'

Nick nodded and closed the manila folder of the reports. He took a breath in and paused, then pressed a button on his office phone.

'Mr. Alastair?'

'Yes Mr. Lucas?'

'Could you come up here please?'

When Mr. Alastair finally arrived, Mr. Lucas left his office to talk outside with him.

'Do you think they're considering it?' Castiel asked as he looked over at the door.

'I hope so. I really do.' Bobby couldn't bear the thought of Dean being in pain everyday. He had _prayed_ it would get better for him. And when he met him on visiting day, he was proud to see Dean so happy. But after seeing him behind those bars, he was willing to do anything to get him out of there.

The two entered the room again and Mr. Lucas sat down at his desk again whilst Mr. Alastair stood in the corner of the room.

'We have discussed the situation and have decided to employ you as his doctor again. _And,_ we will move him back to his old room.'

Cas looked up. He no longer looked so sullen.

'If Dean improves, you will continue to work here. If he ceases to improve, you will leave the centre. In the event you end the romantic relationship, you will not be given time for leave or for a choice of patient. We'll have you sign a few contracts in case you happened to take legal actions. As for Zachary's actions, he will be consoled and we'll forget it happened. Okay, Novak? It never happened.'

Cas and Bobby suppressed their smiles.

'And let me make things clear. You are not to stay in Dean's room unless _he_ can't leave it.'

Cas nodded. Mr. Lucas dialed a number on his phone.

'Yes?'

'Move Dean Winchester to his room in Building A.'

'Yes Sir.'

Bobby and Cas were ecstatic. They glanced at each other and smiled.

'You may leave now. Dr. Novak, you are free to visit Dean. I expect to see you here early tomorrow to sign each contract.'

'Thank you Mr. Lucas. Of course'

They quickly left the room. Cas went to the Impala with Bobby, and Gabriel was still sitting in the back seat of the car sleeping.

'Bobby- you really saved me in there. _Thank you_.'

'No Cas. Thank _you_.' Bobby looked over to the building. 'Dean's going to enjoy the rest of his time here.'

Cas nodded and smiled. Bobby took his hand and pulled him in for a hug. He patted Cas's back.

'Hey Gabriel!' He shouted, pulling away. Gabriel's eyes fluttered open and he yawned.

'Come on Gabe.' Cas opened the door.

'What happened?'

'We saved Dean.'

'You did?'

'Yep.'

Bobby started up the Impala and rolled the window down.

'See ya' Cas. Say hi to Dean for me.'

'Bye Bobby. I hope I see you again soon.'

The car drove away. Cas turned to Gabriel, whose long hair was now scruffy after being rubbed against the leather seat.

'I should go too Cas.'

'Thanks for everything Gabe.'

'You don't have to thank me. I'm here for you. My car's still at your apartment. I guess I'll try catch the next plane to the city.' He hugged Cas tightly and with lots of love, something he rarely did.

'Now _get_ in there!'

He walked up the street and waved goodbye to Castiel. Cas waved back.

* * *

Dean's fuzzy weight on his head had gone and he could move his arms around again. He lifted up his hands but soft cotton stopped them. His head was on his pillow. He was in his old room. The door opened, and in walked someone with a long brown, creased, trench coat. Dean focused his eyes, and he smiled.

'Cas?'

'Hello Dean.'

'How, why am I-'

'I talked with Mr. Lucas. I'm going to be your doctor again.'

'Are you serious?' Dean grinned and put his two feet out of bed.

'Yes. I am being serious.' Dean pulled Cas forward by his sleeve and they hugged each other with their hands finding a shoulder to grip on.

'Thank you Cas. Thank you.' Dean kissed him hard on the lips. They were both tearing up.

'I love you Dean.' Cas pulled away from Dean and grasped his arms. 'I really do.'

Dean nodded. 'I love you too Cas.'

They shared a long, romantic kiss then pulled the sheet over them. Cas giggled and rested his head on Dean's chest.

* * *

_-4 Months Later-_

 

It was such a nasty trick to be played on him!

'Dean..' He muttered.

Cas slowly opened the door and peeped out to see if anyone was there. A cold draft blew towards him and he shivered. After all, he didn't have any clothes on. The only clothes he had were taken by Dean when he went to breakfast. He held the pillow over his front, took a deep breath in and stepped out into the hallway. Cas creeped across the wall in an attempt to cover his butt.

'Dr. Novak?

His heart skipped a beat. Mr. Alastair.

'Mr. Alastair. I- I accidentally spilt coffee on my clothes.'

Mr. Alastair frowned in disbelief.

'It went _everywhere._ Everywhere!'

'Did you need a change of clothes?'

Cas looked down at the pillow he held over his crotch.

'I think that would be... good.' He nodded.

After Cas dressed himself into plain black pants and a white t-shirt, he went into the bathroom to find Dean.

'Dean!?'

Dean had formed his hair into a mohawk with the lathered shampoo.

'Uh- Cas?'

Cas followed Dean's voice and knocked on the cubicle door.

'Room service!'

Dean opened the door.

'Dean.' Cas didn't look happy. 'Explain please.'

Dean smiled and his cheeky dimples came through. He had been planning the prank for  _weeks_.

'Get in here!' He pulled Cas in before lifting him up into an embrace.

 

 

Cas lay at the end of Dean's bed watching him dry his hair with the soft white towel.

'I have some news for you Dean.'

Dean raised his eyebrows.

'You do?'

Cas smiled and nodded his head. Being curious about this news, Dean and sat beside his lover and wrapped his muscular arm around him.

'And it _is?_ '

'Your reports from the last few months were looked over.'

' _And?_ '

'You're leaving here tomorrow.'

'What?'

'You're leaving.'

Dean quietly gasped and turned Cas around to face him.

'You're _serious?_ '

'I'm serious Dean.'

Dean beamed. He shared his joy with Cas with a tight hug.

'I'm leaving!' He kissed Cas.

'Are you going to keep working here?'

'Hmm.' Cas considered the question. 'I'd _hope_ so... but Dean-'

Dean rubbed his nose against Cas's.

'Yes?' He asked in a low voice.

'Do you want to move into my apartment with me?'

Dean kissed him again.

'I'd _love_ to.'

'What about Sioux Falls?'

'Fuck the Falls! Lawrence is my  _home town_. And I needed a change from South Dakota  _anyway_!'

Cas pecked him quickly above his lips.

Dean grinned and hugged Cas. He was so happy for Dean. Over the last four months, Dean's anger problems had minimilised and he had begun to control himself in upsetting situations. He had developed his sense of trust for people, and was in general happier. _And_ , he was in a functioning long-term relationship.

* * *

Dean hadn't seen the outside of the brick building for a year. He had always wondered how it looked from the outside. That idea made him more anxious when he was still in there. He didn't know when he would see outside life again. But there he was, standing next to Cas, staring at the windows and the iron bars. It made him shiver. But strangely, he felt safer outside than he did inside. Cas opened the doors to his Prius and handed Dean the keys, just to test his skills.

'Have you forgotten how to drive one?'

Dean chuckled. 'Never.'

Dean stepped into the car and started the engine. Cas watched him and smiled.

'What?'

'Nothing.'

Like a reflex action, Dean pressed play. Loud Led Zeppelin played.

'I put something in there for you.'

Dean's mouth opened agape as his smiled.

' _No_!' He questioned in disbelief.

'I thought it would be nice to listen to on the way.'

'You're too perfect to be my boyfriend.'

Before pulling out of the park, Dean glanced up at the horrible brick building he had been held captive in when Cas was gone. Standing at one of the many windows was Crowley, who had been serving his punishment for the past few weeks after he was turned in by a patient who had overheard the conversation on stealing the keys. Dean nodded with a smile. Crowley raised his hand, gestured a small wave and smiled. Not a sinister, manic smile. It was like his way of saying 'good luck, and thank you.'

 

* * *

 

They parked outside Bobby's house and went to his door.

'You knock.' Dean said.

'No you do it.'

Dean groaned and quickly knocked on the door. No one came. Cas turned the door knob and opened it.

' _Hmm?_ '

They entered and peered up the hallway.

'Bobby?'

'Maybe he's in the yard.'

They turned to the living room.

'SURPRISE!'

 _Black Mountain_   by Led Zep began to play. Standing in the living room smiling and clapping was Bobby, Adam, Gabriel, and Rufus. On a table was a large apple pie, a pile of cheeseburgers, and several bottles of opened beer.

'Oh my-!'

Cas began to clap for him. Bobby approached Dean and gave him a generous bear hug.

'Bobby.' Dean was in awe.

'Hi Dean.'

'It's been so long.'

Rufus shook Dean's hand.

'How are you Dean?'

'I'm-' He smiled. 'I'm great.'

Dean looked at Adam and held his arms out.

'Come here!'

Adam gave him a hug with hard pats on each other's back.

'I'm glad you're happy Dean. It's so good to see you again.'

He pulled away.

'I haven't seen you for months.'

'I know. Sorry it's been so long.'

'It's okay. I'm just so happy you wanted to welcome me back.'

'I love you Dean. You're my brother. It's what family do.'

Dean smiled and nodded.

'Hi Dean.'

Everyone's eyes shifted to the living room entrance. Dean knew whose voice it was. He turned.

'Sammy! I-' He breathed slowly, then put his hand out. Sam shook it with his and pulled him into a hug. The longest, most meaningful hug of the day.

'I didn't think you would ever come back Dean.' Sam said muffled into Dean's shoulder.

'I know Sam. I'm sorry.'

'You went through so much.' He began to cry. So did Dean, in shame. He laughed and quickly wiped his tears from his eyes.

'Don't do this Sammy you're making my eyes watery.'

Sam laughed and sniffed.

'I'm so happy you're out of prison.' Dean's voice wobbled. 'And I'm so happy you're here.'

'I had to come. I had to.'

'You know I'm sorry Sam. You know that, right?'

'I know. I know. And I forgave you a long time ago.'

 

Dean had such an amazing day back at Sioux Falls. Cas finally met Sam and Adam. Dean finally met Gabriel. And despite his fears that they wouldn't like Cas, they _loved_ him. And Bobby was so happy for Dean. Nothing made him happier than to see Dean smiling and enjoying himself. Something told him he was going to have a long and happy life with Cas.

 

* * *

Cas lightly tapped Dean's nose. He stirred in the bed and opened his eyes.

'Where am I?' He quietly asked.

'You're at Bobby's.'

'I am?' It would be a while until he could process he was out of the institution.

'Yes, Dean.' Cas kissed his neck tenderly.

'I never thanked you.'

'For what?'

'For helping me.' Dean took Cas's hand and kissed it. 'Thank you Cas. I really mean it.'

'Dean, I was just doing my job.'

'You did so much more than that. You took me out of _hell_ Cas. You gripped me tight and raised me. Thank you.'

Cas kissed Dean.

* * *

After buttered toast, leftover pie and coffee, Bobby took Dean and Cas out to the garage. Parked there was the Impala, reflecting the sunlight off the glass.

'My baby!' Dean ran his hand along the hood and patted the door. 'It looks like you've kept her clean.'

Bobby shrugged.

'Thought it would make you happy.'

Dean opened the door and stepped into it. The leather seat felt  _so_ nostalgic. . He grasped the wheel and examined the tiny grooves on it. _Now_ , he was home. Cas and Bobby watched as he touched almost every part of the inside. Finally, it was time to leave. They said goodbye to Adam and Sam.

'I hope we can see you again some time Dean.' Sam said. 'I'll try and come down to Lawrence.'

'Thanks Sam. I'd appreciate that.'

Dean hugged Bobby one last time.

'Stay out of trouble boy.'

Dean laughed. Bobby took Cas's hand.

'You take care of him you hear me?'

'Trust me, I will Bobby.'

 

They sat in the front seats of the car, looking out at the driveway to the road back.

'Are you okay?' Cas asked.

'Yeah. I'm fine.'

'I can't wait to take you to my apartment.'

'I can't wait to go to that restaurant you like... Bur just one more thing. If we carpool to work.. can you drop me off first before going to the institute?'

Cas laughed and held Dean's hand with a tight grip. He was ready to go home with him. This time, he wouldn't be lonely. He would have someone in that apartment. Someone other than Gabriel. Feeling the warmth of Dean's palm made him realise that he was who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He couldn't wait to start living life with him. He couldn't wait to wake up to Dean's breathing. He couldn't wait to see those large green eyes everyday. He couldn't wait to just, be _loved_ by Dean.

As he sat there in the driver's seat, Dean thought about the past year and everything that had happened. He remembered all those emotions he felt in the institution. Cas bringing him pie everyday. Zachary almost punching him and Cas saving the day. Dean loved Cas more than anyone he had ever met.

Dean turned up the music and started the engine. A smirk appeared across his face. He had his old life back, only new and improved. This time he was in love. And Cas? Cas felt exactly the same way.

'Let's go.'


	12. *Editing Update*

**I have re-edited the work; removing (hopefully most) typos and changing a few events and minor details for a smoother read through and less confusing/stupid points**

 

**Thank you for reading, I have enjoyed adding it to my AO3 works, especially stripping down the clunky parts from the fanfiction.net draft**

 

**~[bunnygum](archiveofourown.org/users/bunnygum/works)**


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